


Truth or dare

by KitaraSPN



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Angelic Powers, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Work, Cemetery, Comfort, Decapitation, Demonic Possession, Empathy, Everyday Life, Fear, Fic Graveyard, Fire, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Ghosts, Holy Water, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Interrogation, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Minor Violence, Pain, Possession, Psychic Abilities, Shooting, Shooting Guns, Shooting Range, Suicide Notes, Vampires, Witch Curses, Witchcraft, empathic abilities, vengeful spirit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:15:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25037593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitaraSPN/pseuds/KitaraSPN
Summary: When two supposed FBI agents knock on your door after your roommate's disappearance, you do not know that your life will change forever. But you know they are lying. You always know when people lie. When your roommate returns you call them. A decision that will change your life forever.
Comments: 28
Kudos: 34





	1. True lies

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place roughly at the beginning of season 9.

It had now been a week since your roommate had disappeared. You still could not get over what happened and how weird she acted and how you could not make sense of what she said. The police had taken over the case but so far nothing had happened at all. You were still hoping that she might just suddenly return and be the friend you knew before, but you somehow doubted that and you sure didn't want her back the way she was when you last saw her. While you were staring at the photo on your wall that showed her, you suddenly heard a knock on your door. You stood up, hoping it was somebody you could get rid off easily. The last days had not been easy with all those people pretending to care about you. When you opened the door, two tall men in black suits stood there and looked at you. The taller one smiled at you.

“Excuse me, Miss Y/N?”

You nodded and as soon as you did, both men suddenly held up FBI badges.

“I'm Agent Woods, this is my partner Agent Riggs. May we come in?”

You absentmindedly scratched your neck and nodded.

“Yes... yes sure, come in.”

When you opened the door wider and stepped aside, both men entered and waited for a gesture where to sit down. After you three sat down in the living room, you asked them why they were here.

“We would like to talk to you about your missing roommate.”

“I know, but … why does the FBI get involved in this? I thought the police was handling it.”

“They are, but we cooperate in this case because it might be connected to other missing person cases we are working on.”

You nervously scratched your neck and asked them what they wanted to know.

“Why don't you just tell us what happened when she left. The police report said, she didn't just disappear but she actually told you she would leave? Did she say why or where she would go? And why do you think something was wrong? Did you notice anything unusual in her behavior perhaps?”

Suddenly the one who was introduced as Agent Riggs got up.

“Do you mind if I take a look around? Just … standard procedure.”

“Of course... So … my roommate came back from a date and she was acting weird. She did not want to talk about the date and she was rude and she just … wasn't herself. First she told me it was none of my business, then pushed me aside and in the end she just told me that I was annoying her and that she would leave because she could not stand me anymore and that I should not look for her. The only thing that was even weirder was that at one point her eyes seemed … black. But the police said it was probably just a shadow.”

“It probably was.” Agent Woods wanted to continue but suddenly he noticed a gesture the other Agent made and nodded.

“What? What is it?” You asked, looking at Agent Riggs.

“Nothing...”

“The police is probably right about the eyes. Sometimes the light can play tricks on you when you are stressed. And sometimes it makes us see things that aren't really what we think they are.”

You sighed and rubbed your neck while you listened to Agent Wood's explanation.

“Excuse me, is everything alright? Is something wrong with your neck?”

“It's nothing... You probably mean well.”

You instantly regretted those last words but of course the Agent had noticed it.

“What do you mean we mean well?”

“I know it's your job to ask me these questions and I know you can't tell the truth all the time. It just doesn't make sense to me.”

“What doesn't make sense?”

At this point, Agent Riggs came back and sat down on the couch again, looking at you in a curious way.

“Well, for example, if you don't believe the thing with black eyes, that's fine. But don't repeat what the police said if you don't believe it yourself. Especially if you don't even work together with them.”

The two Agents exchanged confused looks.

“But we do cooperate with the police.”

Agent Woods tone seemed way more careful now while Agent Riggs looked at you with a little more skepticism than before. Meanwhile you rubbed your neck again and sighed. Suddenly Agent Riggs seemed like he had an idea or suspicion or something like that.

“My name is Dean and his name is Sam. The FBI sent us here. We just want to talk to you about your roommate. So far we have no idea what happened. We just want to help. That's why we work together with the police. None of this is your fault. And yes we do believe the eye thing was just a shadow.”

You just listened and resisted the urge to scratch your neck half of the time so that in the end you looked like you had some nervous tick as your hand was twitching all the time. You were just glad when he stopped talking. Dean on the other hand suddenly stood up.

“Excuse us for a second.”

He waited for Sam to follow him and they disappeared for a moment. They obviously had to discuss something and while they did that you were just annoyed and asked yourself what all this was about. When they came back they seemed different and they looked at you curiously. Sam smiled gently but he also seemed a little excited when he made a suggestion.

“We would like to try something if you don't mind. We want you to close your eyes and listen to what we say and tell us what's the truth.”

You were surprised that they suddenly seemed so focused on that and that they had realized it so quickly, but you just nodded and closed your eyes.

Sam started by saying “My father's name is Henry. My father's name is John. My father's name is Bobby.”

Then Dean repeated “My father's name is Henry. My father's name is John. My father's name is Bobby.”

You opened your eyes and were confused. The statements had nothing to do with why the men were here, but still they wanted you to identify the truth. And their inquiring looks made clear that it was important to them what you would say.

“Well neither of your fathers is called Henry. But … I don't know.... it's like John and Bobby are both right. For both of you. This doesn't make sense.”

To your surprise, Dean seemed impressed and Sam started smiling.

“So you can somehow sense lies?” Sam simply asked.

Until this moment everybody had just assumed you had a good intuition or were good at reading people. Nobody had ever really understood what it was – until now. You were so baffled that you just nodded.

“Well in that case you know we're not FBI. But you also know we really want to help you, right?”

“Yes... so … you're names are Sam and Dean but you're not FBI and your last names are fake. You want to help me and you already have an idea of what might be going on, right?”

“We're brothers. And we deal with unusual cases that the police can't really handle.”

“Okay but who are you? I mean what are those cases? And why can't the police handle it? And what's with those black eyes?”

Sam hesitated. “Before I answer that, you should know that sometimes there are certain truths that you might not want to know. No matter what I say you will know if it's the truth, right? So make sure you really want to know the answer before you ask me.”

You hesitated because you realized he might be right. There had been incidents in the past that made you regret knowing the truth. So you thought carefully about what you asked.

“Okay so … you really think that something is wrong with my roommate? And there have been cases like this?”

Sam nodded. “Yes we think something is wrong. And there have been similar cases. But not here and now.”

“And do you believe me what I saw was real? And …. and what did you find when you were looking over there? I mean, you did find something, right?”

The brothers looked at each other, obviously wondering how to phrase things. Dean decided to keep it simple.

“Yes we believe you. We have seen something like that before. And yes I found something. A … trace that helps us to find out what we are dealing with.”

For the moment you decided not to ask for more details as they obviously thought it was better this way.

“Can I … can I help somehow?”

“Not at the moment” Sam said with a soft smile. “But if you remember anything else or if you see or hear your roommate, please give us a call, okay? Just... be careful not to let her know anything about us in case she contacts you.”

You nodded and had the honest impression that they cared.

“And … I assume I shouldn't let the police know about you either?”

The brothers stood up and Sam gave you a fake FBI business card with a phone number on it.

“That would be a good idea. Thanks.”

After that the brothers left the house again and you stayed alone with a head full of thoughts and questions. It started with who those two really were but the most confusing question was: Why did they just believe you that you could sense lies and why did it not freak them out?

The rest of the day passed without any further noteworthy events and so did the next. That was until about seven in the evening. You had just finished cleaning up after dinner and sat in your room, reading a book, when you suddenly heard noises. Somebody was in your apartment. You carefully approached your door, opened it quietly, just enough so you could take a glimpse into the hallway. And there was, in blood stained clothes, your roommate. She entered her room and you could hear her go through shelves and drawers, obviously searching for something. You closed your door carefully and locked it, grabbed your cell phone and searched your pocket for the business card. It seemed to be ringing forever.

“Sam? Sam it's Y/N.”  
“ _Y/N? What's wrong?”_

“It's … it's my roommate. She's back and … she's covered in blood.”

“ _Did she say anything?”_

“I didn't talk to her. I just saw her in the hallway. Sam, something's really wrong with her.”

“ _Don't worry, we're on our way. Just stay where you are.”_

“Thanks...”

It probably just took some minutes but it seemed so long that you started to wonder if they might not come But suddenly you heard somebody unlock the front door. You stayed in your room and waited. It was quiet, except for the noises your roommate made, but from one moment to the next you heard shouting, screaming, bumping and crashing. It sounded like they were fighting and for a moment you were afraid that maybe those two strange men were not the good guys in this story. You were just wondering if you had made the wrong call, when you realized everything had fallen quiet. Except for footsteps coming closer and a sudden knock on the door.

“Y/N? Are you alright?”

It was Sam. For a moment you hesitated, but then you opened the door and when you saw his warm smile, you were sure about your decision once again. He quickly looked at you to see if you were injured.

“Is she... is she okay?”

“Don't worry, we have everything under control. Just stay in your room until we call you okay?”

You nodded but you did not like it. Sure they did have everything under control, but you did not like this secretive behavior. He turned around again and a moment later you heard voices. There was a lot of tension but you only heard some fragments here and there. Slowly and quietly you left your room and went along the hallway, stopping next to the open door to the room in which Sam and Dean were talking to your roommate. Quickly you realized they were not talking to her, they were interrogating her. Questions about people and objects. You heard the names Crowley and Abaddon and the mention of an amulet, code names like “King of Hell” and other things that did not make the slightest sense to you. Your roommate first insisted on not knowing anything, then she suddenly seemed to know their names and when she said “Crowley is dead” you were sure she had to be involved in something. But one thing confused you. She said this Crowley person was dead, but Sam and Dean said he was not. That itself was not particularly unnerving, but for some reason you did not sense any lies. In none of them. Did that mean you only sensed conscious lies? Or were your senses failing you due to the stress? Every now and then you heard your roommate scream and Sam and Dean seemed completely different than you had seen them before. The interrogation went on and you felt like you were in a bad movie. Suddenly Dean sighed.

“We're out of holy water. I'm gonna get some more.”

And before you had time to react, Dean left the room, only to find you standing there. He stared at you, calm but with obviously mixed feelings.

“Sam? Come here for a second.”

Just a second later, Sam stood there, staring at you with nearly the same look.

“Look guys, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I … I was just scared and I didn't know what was going on. And I heard her scream.”

“Dean, go get the holy water. I'll take care of this.”

You heart dropped. Take care of this? Of this problem? Of you?

“Y/N, relax, we're not going to hurt you.”

The truth and the warmth in his voice instantly calmed you down.

“Sam, what's going on here? I mean … it sounds like you're torturing her.”

“Look, I know what it seems like, but it's... complicated, okay?”

He was obviously looking for the right words.

“Sam, you pretend to be FBI, you interrogate people, you obviously hurt them, you're talking in code about Kings of Hell and stuff like that... I mean who are you?”

For a moment he looked concerned but he sighed and obviously had made some kind of decision.

“Y/N I know this is hard to believe, but none of the things we said are code. Your roommate is possessed. By a demon. Dean and I we hunt demons and monsters and we interrogate her because we need information to hunt down others like her.”

“You're lying” you simply mumbled while staring at him with wide eyes.

“Well … you tell me.”

Sam looked at you, calm and sincere and no matter what your brain told you, you knew he was telling the truth. Or at least what he believed to be the truth. In the meantime, Dean returned. He looked at you and then at Sam.

“We're okay here?”

Sam nodded, but suddenly he signaled Dean to wait and give him the plastic bottle he had in his hand.

“Let me show you something.”

He opened the bottle and poured some of the clear liquid over his hands. Then he did the same with Dean's arm and then he asked for your hand. You hesitated but as the liquid seemed harmless to them, you agreed. As he poured the cool liquid over your arm you felt absolutely nothing. You even smelled it but it seemed to be pure water. Sam and Dean turned around and entered the room, Sam looking at you with a small nod, inviting you in. You followed and saw your roommate tied to a chair, her chin bruised and her lip bleeding.

“Y/N I'm so glad you're here! These guys are crazy! They want to kill me!”

She seemed to be in panic and you heart started racing as you could sense no lies in her words.

“Please help me! It's me! You know me! Don't let them hurt me.”

Again, no lies. Panic started growing in you but suddenly Dean took the bottle and poured some of that harmless clear liquid over your roommate's arm. Immediately she started screaming in pain and your heart skipped a beat when you saw that her eyes had once again turned black.

“Holy water” Dean said while looking at you. “It burns them.”

You made a step back and stayed silent, trying to process what was happening. All of this confused you so much that you did not even listen to the interrogation when Sam and Dean started again. But suddenly it seemed that they had heard what they were waiting for.

“But you said you'd let me go!” your roommate yelled.

Dean just looked at her with a cold grin. “Say hi to Abaddon if you see her.”

Sam did not comment it but instead he started reciting something that sounded like Latin. Between the screams and the protests of your roommate, it was impossible to make out what he really said, but you would not have understood it anyways. His voice became louder and so did the screams of your roommate until she suddenly threw back her head and a cloud of black smoke shot out of her mouth. You did not see where it went because you closed your eyes in shock. Then you heard a soft moan and when you looked up you saw the panic in the normal colored eyes of your friend. Sam crouched down next to her and started untying her.

“You're safe now.”

When the paramedics took care of your roommate 20 minutes later, Sam and Dean were long gone. And while she was prepared to be taken to the hospital, you told the police officers what had happened.

“She had just returned and did not seem to remember anything. I wanted to get some clothes for her to change. When I was in my room that guy suddenly barged in. He did not notice me because I quickly hid behind the door, but he tied down my friend and started beating her.”

“Can you describe him?”

“No I was too scared that he would hurt me, too. I only came out of my room when I heard how those two men chased him off. They said they had heard my friend scream and they wanted to help.”

“What did they look like? Do you have their names or anything? They could help us identify the attacker.”

“No they... they just chased him off and untied my friend and the next thing I know they were already gone. I could not even say thank you.”

The police officer took notes and soon after he left with the other officers, the paramedics and your friend.

One hour later you had packed two bags with everything that was important to you and were ready to leave the house. You would find a motel and decide what to do next. Because after meeting Sam and Dean and finding out that demons were real, there was no way you could return to your normal life and just forget about all of this.


	2. Seeking truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After you witnessed the Winchester brothers exorcise your roommate and learned through them that demons are real, your life has not been the same. You are seeking the truth about demons and you end up reaching out to the Sam and Dean once more. A new world opens up to you and you carefully make your first step towards the many truths you can not yet imagine.

It had been a month since your life had been changed by the short but intense meeting with Sam and Dean. You had not found out more about them except that they were brothers. But what you had found out was that demons were real. So you had put your life on hold, had taken your money and had left the city behind you. At the moment you were living in a motel, earning money as a waitress in a diner close by and first and foremost you were studying. Books did not help you very much as you could not verify their content. There were many beliefs but when it came to demons nobody offered any proofs and most people saw it as a purely theoretical or even metaphorical construct based on theology or philosophy. When you had realized this, however, you had found a better way to study. You had found a college nearby with a strong focus on exactly these subjects and you were able to register for auditing. So you spent various hours per week listening to the theories and opinions and beliefs of different professors. They talked about the Christian teachings, about the philosophic idea of sin and virtue, about evil spirits of ancient cultures and much more.

Soon you were able to find out, that there was much more truth out there than you had assumed. On the other hand you also had found out something rather unfortunate about your gift. When you had met Sam and Dean they had quickly found out that you were able to sense lies. However, it seemed that it was not all that black and white. It seemed as if certain requirements had to be met so that you could indeed sense a lie. The easiest was of course the conscious lie where the person clearly knew what they were saying was not true. White lies were just as easy to sense for you even though the intention was different. A little more subtle but still obvious enough were the statements were the person was unsure if they told the truth or not, due to doubt or lack of knowledge. In these cases your inner compass seemed able to define if it was true or not. But if the person truly and without any doubt believed in what they said, it was very hard to tell if it was actually true or not. One philosophy professor for example liked to talk about a variety of demons but on various occasions he clearly stated that those were just metaphorical constructs and it was absolutely impossible that something like a real demon existed. You could not sense a lie in that.

During this month you had found out quite a bit that you found helpful, like the idea of a hierarchy of demons and how they had different characters and that they were not all just brainless killers but more often tempted people into doing the wrong thing. But your hunger for knowledge and for actual truth was still there. So one evening you decided to do something that could be stupid but seemed the only logical next step. You took the fake FBI business card out of your wallet and dialed the number. Would he even remember you?

“ _Hello?”_

“Sam?”

“ _Who is this?”_

“It's Y/N … I don't know if you remember me but … you kind of … exorcised my roommate?”

“ _Y/N, yes of course. Is everything okay?”_

“Yes, I'm okay. … Well … yes and no.”

“ _What do you mean?”_

You could hear some noise in the background and Sam whispered something. You assumed that Dean had joined him, asking who Sam was talking to.

“ _Wait a second I'll put you on speaker.”_

“ _Hey Y/N, what's going on?”_ you heard Dean ask as expected.

“Hey Dean... You know the thing is, since I met you, everything has sort of changed. I mean... I feel kind of like Dorothy in Oz you know? I mean, you came in like a hurricane, and everything changed and now that I know that flying monkeys are real there's no way I can just forget about it and go on with my normal life.”

“ _Yeah we get that. That's why we usually avoid telling people about it.”_ Sam confirmed.

“I know and I'm sorry I forced you into a situation where you basically had no choice. But it doesn't matter now. The thing is that I know.”

“ _Okay but why exactly did you call?”_ Dean asked frankly, but without seeming impolite.

“I have tried to learn more. And it's not easy because I can't say if books tell the truth. And I can listen to other people but I cannot ask them anything. So I was wondering... if we could maybe meet and talk about this?”

There was a moment of silence and you assumed that Sam and Dean were figuring out if they should waste their time with you.

“ _Y/N are you at home?_ ” Sam asked carefully.

“No I left. I'm still in Kansas but I live in Franklin now.”

“ _What do you say we meet in Kensington in about an hour?”_

You agreed and after you decided on a diner where you would meet, you ended the call.

When Sam and Dean arrived at the diner, you were already waiting in a booth in a corner with all your notes and research in a folder on the table. You were already nervous but when you saw the two men the anxious feeling from the previous experiences came back. Trying to hide it you greeted them and waited until they sat down opposite of you, ordering coffee and, in Dean's case, a piece of cherry pie.

“So you moved to Franklin?” Sam started carefully.

“Yes, after... after what happened I just couldn't stay there anymore. And I had to find out more about … well those things. And about my ability or whatever you want to call it.”

“I know what you mean. So you said you've done some research?”

“Yes... it's not much I think but it's all I could figure out so far.” you said looking at the folder.

“May I?”

You nodded and handed Sam the folder. While he started reading the waitress brought your order and Dean started eating without a word. The way he started digging into his pie actually made you smile. He seemed more like a hungry little boy than the dangerous man you had seen before.

“You really like pie, don't you?”

Dean looked up and gave you a slightly confused look as if he did not understand that there was another option.

“It's pie!”

His simple and yet definite response made you chuckle and it helped you relax. In the meantime Sam had skimmed through your notes and slowly put down the folder.

“That's some pretty impressive work you've done there.”

“Really?”

While you looked at Sam with a bit of a doubt, Dean seemed to start getting curious, too.

“Yeah, I mean, you have some important names in here, some basic structure, even some of the lore and what's supposed to help against them. It's not perfect but given the resources you had it's real good.”

“Well, thanks. But is it all true? Did I get something wrong? Is something important missing?”

“There are some details that are not all correct but that's nothing major. And of course there is a lot missing, but with all there is to know about demons you could fill several books. I mean we have at least 15 or more books just on the broad basics, plus the specialized ones.”

You looked at Sam with big eyes. It seemed your look alone showed how hungry you were for more knowledge because for a moment Sam seemed to regret mentioning that. Dean finished his last bite, put down his fork and looked at you.

“Honestly, I think you should forget about all of this. You should not dig any deeper. The more you can stick to some kind of normal life, the better.”

Sam hesitated but you were disappointed, yes even a bit hurt.

“Forget about it? So after the hurricane took me to Oz I'm just supposed to click my heels, say there's no place like home and forget that flying monkeys exist?”

“Well this isn't Oz, okay? This is the real world with demons and monsters and things you cannot even begin to imagine. So yeah, you should go home Dorothy and leave the rest to us.”

Dean sure did not mean to sound that harsh but nevertheless his answer hurt you. So you glared at him defiantly and grabbed your folder.

“Well I can't. You know why?”

Without waiting for an answer you skimmed through your notes until you found what you were looking for. You slammed it onto the table in front of Dean and pointed at a specific line. While he looked at it you put a hand into your jacked and pulled out a tiny plastic bag with a light yellowish powder that you just put right onto your notes.

“That's why!”

Sam and Dean looked at the bag and at each other. It was sulfur.

“I checked the windows of the apartment after you left and found this. This was the evidence you found, right? Sulfur? Well guess what. Yesterday I found some of it in my motel room.”

Dean sighed and Sam seemed concerned.

“Dean, maybe she's right. If they are already on to her, there's not turning back, you know that. We should at least take her with us to make sure she's safe until we know more.”

“Alright alright... but first things first.”

You hesitated a moment as you did not know what Dean meant, but suddenly he grabbed your empty glass, took a flask from his jacked and poured some of the clear content into your glass.

“I'm sure you won't mind a shot of holy water, right?”

It made sense that he wanted to make sure you were not possessed but something about his attitude annoyed you. So you took the glass and looked him straight in the eye when you emptied it without flinching – to you it was just water after all.

“Satisfied?”

Dean just nodded and after he paid for everything the brothers got up and you followed them out of the diner. When they directly headed towards the black '67 Chevy Impala, you hesitated.

“Wait a second. This is your ride?”

Dean shot you a curious look. “Yeah, why?”

Without even noticing his look, you let your fingertips slide gently over the hood.

“Sweet!”

You heard Sam chuckle and when you looked up you saw a satisfied grin on Dean's face. It was the first time you saw him like that and you had to admit he suddenly seemed much less annoying. Quickly the three of you got into the car and drove off. After about 20 minutes you arrived in Lebanon and after just some more minutes Dean stopped in the middle of nowhere and the boys got out of the car.

“Wait this is it?” you asked.

Sam just gave you a mysterious smile and headed towards a rusty old bunker door. Despite the fact that you were out here with two strong tall men you knew nothing about, you had the feeling that nothing would happen to you and you decided to follow them instead of running for your life like a normal person would in a situation like this.

When you entered through the squeaking door into what was indeed a bunker, you did not immediately appreciate the view as you focused on the old iron stairs. But when you looked up again you found yourself in an old fashioned room with a big map table and old chairs. And behind that – a library. Big dark wooden tables, old fashioned lamps, dark shelves full of books over books and decorated with the most unusual stuff like for example some old swords. It was not before Sam loudly cleared his throat that you paid attention to the brothers again.

“Y/N I was asking if you want a coffee.”

“Sure... sure...”

Sam left the room and you were alone with Dean. It felt a bit weird at first, because you felt more connected to Sam, but at least he did not seem that grumpy anymore.

“This is your home?” you asked.

Dean smiled as he saw how impressed you were.

“It is now.”

“I think if I lived here I wouldn't stop reading. Like ever!”

“My brother is a book nerd, too. I feel like he's read everything in here at least twice. We got some great stuff here, but I'm not that much into books.”

“So what do you love most about this place?”

Dean seemed to be surprised by your question at first and hesitated before answering.

“It's several things. We got a great kitchen. The shower is amazing. And apart from that it's just good to always have a place to crash that's safe … and clean.”

It was in the short moment of silence after this when you realized something. You had not felt that familiar itch in your neck for a while now. Sam and Dean both seemed surprisingly honest and you had to admit it was a really refreshing experience.

When Sam returned he brought coffee for you and him and while Dean retreated to his room, Sam grabbed one of the books and sat down next to you. He opened it and asked for your notes and after a moment had found the passage he was looking for.

“See, here where you made the sketch of a devil's trap? It's not wrong but it's incomplete. Those markings here are missing.”

You quickly added those in your sketch, while Sam skimmed through the book for references on the other things you had noted. It felt a bit like being back in school and watching the teacher grade your paper, with the only difference that Sam seemed to have fun and he made you feel comfortable. It was impossible to tell if it was his smile, the way he made himself smaller to not tower over you, or the excitement in his voice when he spoke about research, but something made you feel all warm and cozy. And after about an hour that you spent reading, comparing and laughing with him, Sam caught you sighing absentmindedly.

“Are you okay?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah … it's just ...”

“What?”

“You seem super nice and you have a great way of explaining things and … you're honest. And I don't know when I was last able to relax like this. It's exhausting when you constantly feel how everybody around you is lying. Especially when they say that they care and you know it's just an empty phrase. You cannot imagine how much people actually lie.”

“I think I can. We have to lie for a living so to say. And we often talk to witnesses who lie to us about what they have seen because they think they're imagining stuff or they are afraid or want to hide something. I think that's why I'm honest whenever I can. Because it's rare that you can actually be your true self, you know?”

You understood that very well. And now that you had this relaxed conversations you suddenly realized how much you had actually shut yourself off from the rest of the world, pretending to be okay, not really letting people in because you were tired of discovering their lies. It was like a wave of loneliness suddenly washed over you and for a moment you had to resist the urge to just hug Sam. Instead you carefully asked to be shown to your room to rest and pick up on your research the next day. You were not sure if Sam suspected anything but if he did, he did not show it. Instead he showed you to a guest room with a big bed and a desk to work at and left you alone after telling you where you could find the kitchen and the bathroom.

When you woke up in the morning you were surprised by how well you had slept. After all, it was an unknown place with two tall virile looking men you barely knew. But something about all of this made you feel good, safe, as if you were just were you belonged. You told yourself off for this nonsense while getting ready. After a nice shower you dressed in sleep shorts and your favorite oversize t-shirt and went to the kitchen to get a coffee. The sound of clinking cups told you that at least one of the brothers was already awake, but when you actually entered the kitchen the scene nearly made you laugh. Sam was dressed in sweatpants and a surprisingly tight muscle shirt and looked like he had just been out for a run. Sure you had noticed his broad shoulders but you had no idea what he was actually hiding under all those layers he had been wearing when you saw him the day before. You were actually impressed. He stopped working on his sandwich and turned around to look at you with a broad warm smile.

“Morning Y/N. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah I did, thanks.”

Dean on the other hand looked just adorable. He was sitting at the table, holding a coffee mug with both hands, wearing a washed out Led Zeppelin shirt, his hair was a mess and he looked like she had just been awake for five minutes. He just looked up at you from his coffee, seemed confused for a moment as if he had forgotten that you were even there, and scanned you top to bottom in a manner that would probably have been way more subtle had he been fully awake.

“Morning...”

According to the sound of his voice this was probably the first word he said after waking up. You just chuckled.

“Morning Dean. Hey you were right, the shower is amazing!”

He smiled, nodded and drank his coffee and you wondered if he was maybe just appreciating the thought of the shower he had ahead of him.

“Hey Sam, I see you're already having breakfast, but I'm starving. Dean you haven't yet had anything, right? While you hit the shower I could make some eggs and bacon, what do you say?”

Dean looked up and seemed suddenly way more awake.

“I say it was a good idea to bring you here.”

Sam just grinned and shook his head as he clearly remembered how hesitant Dean had been and simply excused himself and left the kitchen. A minute later Dean finished his coffee and got up. You noticed him move and looked up but to your surprise all you saw was a pair of black boxer briefs. Trying not to blush you asked yourself if he had really forgotten about you or if he just did not care. It was surprisingly hard to not sneak a peek during the short moment he was just standing there, but when he turned around and walked away you decided to risk a quick glance. And you had to admit that he had a damn nice butt.

After Dean had left you browsed through the kitchen to find everything you need for the breakfast. And you quickly realized that their supplies were a confusing mix of general basics, some very healthy ingredients and classic junk food. You grabbed everything you needed and quickly went back to your room to change into Jeans and a tank top. You had just finished a plate of bacon and a pretty decent amount of scrambled eggs when Dean came back, dressed in jeans, shirt and flannel, looking awake and hungry. You just enjoyed your breakfast in silence and you were pretty happy to see that Dean did not leave a single bite on his plate in the end. After he let out a satisfied sigh you took the chance you had been waiting for.

“Dean, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What is this place and how did you get here?”

“It belonged to a secret society, the Men of Letters. During one of our cases about a year ago we found out that our grandfather was one of them and we got the key to this bunker. And as nobody else is left of this society we made this our home.”

For a moment you were confused but once again you realized he was being honest.

“Were did you live before that?”

“Everywhere and nowhere. Crossing the country, staying in motels.”

“I see...”

Dean just shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in this world, but it made you just more curious.

“Dean... may I ask what it's like? This … life you live?”

You saw him hesitate for a moment and his look seemed a little darker for a split second.

“Well we look for cases and go out to hunt whatever monsters are out there. Including demons. That's basically it.”

“You know that's not what I mean. How do you even get into this kind of life? I mean... I assume it's not just that somebody someday knocks on your door and tells you “hey you hunt monsters now” and you just go for it, right?”

“Well for many that's exactly how it happens. Most hunters get into the life because they suddenly lose somebody close to them to some monster. That's how they find out. And they either start hunting or they try to run from the truth.”

“Did you … lose someone?”

Immediately after you said the words you regretted your question as Dean's silence was speaking volumes.

“Our mom died when I was four. Sammy was just 6 months old. Our dad started hunting for the thing that did it and so we basically grew up in the life. That's why we're good at what we do and that's why we are still doing it.”

“I'm sorry...”

“Don't be. Every hunter has his story and none of them are pretty. It's the way it is. Once you really get in there's no getting out. That's why I told you to try and forget about it.”

The slight bitterness in his voice caught you off guard but even more so it hurt you that what he said was true. Or at least it was his truth.

“You never got out? You never even tried?”

Dean suddenly broke eye contact and it seemed like you had hit a nerve. But before you could even apologize, he changed the subject.

“I'm gonna go check on Sam. See if he's found a case or maybe has a lead on whatever is after you.”

You just nodded and stayed behind while he left. While cleaning the kitchen you came to the conclusion that you had a lot to learn. Not just about the demons. Also about these brothers who were so unusual, so kind and honest and yet in some points secretive and probably scarred. But as long as they would allow it, you would stay here and learn about them, about monsters and about the life as a hunter. After all, Dorothy came to Oz for a reason and maybe you had a reason to be here as well.


	3. unexpected truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After settling in you try to get to know the brothers Sam and Dean a little better. Also the question remains why your abilities sometimes seem to fail you. The Winchesters decide to take over your case but when you meet Castiel, things suddenly take an unexpected turn.

You had spent the whole day reading and while Sam passed through the library every now and then, Dean was nowhere to be seen. In the early afternoon you head was buzzing with everything you had read about demons and your hand was aching from all the notes you took. So you went looking for Sam and found him in the kitchen.

“Hey Sam, I saw you working on your laptop earlier. Do you guys really have internet here?”

“Sure. Why?”

“I was just wondering if I could maybe check my emails. You know, tell my boss I'm sick and stuff like that.”

“Yeah of course. You need my laptop or did you bring your own?”

“No I brought my own. I just need the password if you have one.”

“Sure, I'll write it down for you.”

“And Sam?”  
“Hmm?”  
“There's something I wanted to ask you.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Did Dean say anything to you about our conversation earlier? Because I think he might be mad at me.”

“He didn't say anything. I'm sure it's nothing. Why do you ask?”

You noticed that Sam was not quite sure about what he said but it seemed he at least wanted to believe it.

“After something I said he just changed the subject and left and I haven't seen him since.”

“Okay that sounds like him. May I ask what you said?”

“I just asked a little about the hunter life and then I asked if he had never tried to get out. I think I hit a nerve with that one.”

Even before Sam said anything you knew you were right.

“You know, we all have things we try to forget. Things we don't talk about. Things we can't talk about. Dean got out. For a year. But it … didn't work out the way it should. It's not my place to tell you more about it and I won't. But it's been hard on him. We never spoke about it again.”

Once again Sam spoke only the truth. And even though he phrased it carefully you could clearly see the pain he shared with his brother.

“So, is there anything else that I should know about? I mean things that I should not mention when I talk to him? Or you?”

Sam gave you a surprisingly bitter smile.

“A lot. But don't worry about it. If we don't want to talk about it, we won't. And it's not easy to actually upset me or Dean.”

You were pretty relieved and decided to stop asking questions for the moment. Instead you waited until Sam wrote down the WiFi password for you and went back to your room. After checking your emails you quickly informed the college about the classes you were not going to audit this week and then you just sat there. You wondered if you should just watch something on Netflix, but there was a nagging little voice in the back of your head that just would not leave you alone. So you sighed, put away your laptop and left your room. After following the hallway you soon stood in front of another door and hesitated far too long before you finally knocked. Dean opened the door so quickly, he must have stood right next to it.

“Hey Y/N, what's going on?”

“Uhm … can I talk to you for a moment? Nothing major, just something I want to get off my chest.”

Dean seemed a little surprised but he opened the door for you, quickly closed the drawer of his desk and sat down on the bed, leaving the chair to you.

“Dean it's about our conversation earlier. I know I obviously hit some kind of sore spot with what I said and I just wanted to apologize. I mean I barely know you guys and I guess I still have to figure out where I have to be careful. So … I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry about it. It was nothing.”

You smiled at Dean.

“I don't need to have special abilities to know that's a lie.”

“Yeah okay, it's not nothing. But you really don't have to worry. Sam and I have been through a lot. And the last thing we need is somebody trying to walk on eggshells okay? Just be yourself. If we don't want to talk about something, we won't.”

“That's exactly what Sam said.”

“See?”

“Alright... I was just wondering if you might be mad because I haven't seen you all day.”

“That's not unusual. I'm only in the library if we need to research something. And even then I sometimes read here in my room.”

You took a moment and looked around in his room. There was a collection of vinyl and lots of different weapons and a few personal items.

“Is that.... a grenade launcher?”

Dean grinned when he saw your baffled face.

“Oh yeah... Still waiting for the day when I can finally use this beauty.”

You chuckled and looked at the other weapons. After carefully looking at the different rifles you took one of the knives from his desk and weighed it in your hand.

“Nice one. I have a similar one, it's just a bit smaller.”

“You know how to handle a knife?”

“I do. And not just knives. My dad was a hunter. You know.... just normal stuff like deer and wild boars. He sometimes took me with him.”

You had no idea what you had said but something in the way Dean looked at you had changed completely. Looking like it was just a side not you gestured in the direction of Dean's vinyl.

“My dad is also the reason why I like to listen to classic rock. My dad had quite a Zeppelin collection. Nothing of value, though. A collector once told him he “ruined” all his vinyl by putting his initials on the back. He thought it was hilarious because his initials were LZ.”

Dean seemed surprised but amused at the same time.

“Sounds like a good guy.”

His tone was surprisingly soft and it suddenly occurred to you that by the way you talked about your dad it was probably quite obvious he was no longer alive.

“Yeah he was. … However, as I said I just wanted to stop by to make sure we're good. I like to sort things out rather quickly if possible.”

“Don't worry. We're good.”

Later that evening you remembered something you wanted to ask Sam about. You had already decided to wait until the next morning when you met him in the hallway.

“Hey Sam, I have a quick question.”

“Alright?”

“Would you mind if we could try and train my ability a little? Because for some reason it does not always seem to work. Usually the intensity is different depending on how big of a lie it is, but there's always something. But when you interrogated my roommate everything she said felt like the truth to me. And I later also had that with one of the other college students and with one of the professors.

“Hmm okay, I'll think about it. Psychic abilities can be really tricky. But it's possible to train them. I'm sure we'll find out the reason.”

You were relieved to hear that and went to bed soon after.

The next morning you woke up to the smell of pancakes and after a good breakfast Sam, Dean and you sat down in the library to work on a case – your case.

“Dean, Y/N told me she's not sure about her ability. It seems that sometimes it doesn't work. So we have to figure out how it works so that we can all deal with it.”

“Alright, so … what do we know?”

Both men looked at you with curiosity and for a second you were hesitant where to start.

“Well I've always had a very clear feeling when meeting somebody if I should or should not trust them. I think it was somewhere during puberty when I started to clearly sense lies. I often started fighting because of that but I learned to deal with it. It usually works with every person and in every situation. I get that strange tickling in my neck or some kind of itch depending on how strong the lie is. But it seems when the person is unsure if what they say is true or not, like when they don't know, I can't always tell for sure.”

“You told me there were exceptions? Situations or people where it didn't work?”

“Oh yeah … the first time I noticed it was when you were … well … interrogating my roommate. She was talking about that person who was supposed to be dead or not and one time she said he was dead and later she said he was not. And it both felt like the truth to me. And later I overheard two college students talk about a party and when another girl asked them about it, the one said she had never said anything about a party. I knew it was a lie but I didn't feel it, you know? And then there was my professor. He is a theology professor and he seems to be the one with the most knowledge about demons. Or at least the most precise. And he says again and again that demons are just a metaphorical construct and none of it is to be taken literally. Maybe he's just super convinced of what he says but it something about it just doesn't feel right. It seems like he doesn't even have the slightest doubt.”

Sam and Dean thought about your words for a moment until Dean broke the silence.

“Okay so it worked for years and then it did not work with your roommate some random college girl and that professor, right?”

“Well it worked with my roommate before she disappeared.”

“Have you talked to her after we were gone?”  
“Not really. She was brought to the hospital and I left before she returned.”

“Maybe it's because she was possessed?” Dean asked, looking at Sam.

“Maybe. Maybe it just works on humans?”

“But if it works only on humans it should work on my professor and the student, right?”

“Unless....” Sam started, looking at Dean who finished his thought.

“Unless they're not human.”

You stared at them in disbelief.

“What do you mean they're not human??”

“It's just a thought. But it would make sense.” Sam started to explain. “If you could sense in your roommate until she was possessed it's possible that you could not sense the lies anymore because you were not talking to your roommate but to the demon that possessed her. And you said it yourself that there were traces of sulfur in your motel room which means that a demon was there. So maybe someone noticed you were trying to learn about demons and they wanted to see if you're a threat.”

For a moment you felt your stomach twist and you had to take a deep breath. The brothers on the other hand did not seem impressed at all.

“Okay so how can we check them out?” Dean asked in a matter-of-fact way.

“Going in under cover should at least work with the professor. The student is going to be more difficult.” Sam stated before he turned to you and asked for all the information you had about those people. You told them everything you knew, names, appearances, schedules as far as you knew. One hour later Sam and Dean stood in the map room, grabbed a duffle bag and told you to stay in the bunker. Before they left, Sam smiled at you.

“Don't worry, okay? You're safe here. Just stay in the bunker and don't let anybody in.”

You just nodded and watched them leave, unsure what was coming next. But you trusted them and you actually felt safe here. So in order to not overthink things, you decided to bury yourself in books until they returned.

When you had already passed three hours reading, you decided to take a break and at least have a snack. But when you returned to the library with a coffee and a sandwich, you were up for a surprise. A man was in the library, going through the shelves, apparently looking for a specific book. When he heard you, he turned around and looked at you in a way that did not make much sense to you. He seemed like a regular guy, short dark hair, nearly as tall as Dean, dressed in a suit and a trench coat. But there was something about his eyes that seemed weird. It was not just the clear blue color, but also something else.

“Who are you?” You asked him, trying not to show how nervous you were.

“My name is Castiel. Who are you?”

His voice was deep and a little rough but you could not grasp the tone in his question.

“It doesn't matter who I am. What are you doing here?”

“I am a friend of Sam and Dean.”

So far you could not make out any lies, but maybe he was not human. Maybe he was a demon, too. You nervously made a step back.

“There is no reason to be afraid.”

“I'm not afraid. What are you doing here? What were you looking for?”

“I was looking for … a book … A story Sam recommended to me.”

You gasped and held your neck. When you looked at your hand you actually expected to see blood after the sting you had just felt.

“What the hell....”

“Are you alright?” For a moment you thought this Castiel might actually care, but you cold not be sure.

“Say that there are no books in this room!” You demanded.

“But why should I...”

“Just do it!”

“There... there are no books in this room.”

You felt the same hot sting again, something you had never felt again.

“Say that your coat is black.”

“But...”

“Do it!”

“My … coat is … black.”

And again your neck hurt like never before.

“What are you?”

Castiel seemed obviously surprised by this question as you did not ask _who_ but _what_ he was.

“I am a friend of Sam and Dean. And I will not hurt you.”

This time there was no pain, not even an itch or a tickle.

“So … Castiel was it?”

He nodded.

“Okay Castiel, I will ask you again. What are you? Because you are not human, right?”

“I am an angel.”

“Say what?”

“I am an angel.”

You just looked at him, completely baffled, waiting for a sting, an itch or something else indicating that he was lying. But nothing. You had sensed his lies earlier more clear than anything before but now there was nothing. Was he actually speaking the truth? While you stared at him, he scanned you curiously with his blue eyes, obviously trying to make sense of the situation himself.

The silence between you and that man was torn apart by the squeaking of the bunker door when Sam and Dean returned.

“Hey Cas, didn't know you were coming.” Dean simply stated.

It was Sam who noticed that the situation was a little awkward to say the least.

“Y/N this is Cas, he's a friend of ours. Cas, Y/N is staying with us for a while.”

Cas just nodded and went to speak to Dean while Sam approached you.

“Just so you know, we were right. The professor and the student were demons. But we took care of it.”

“You mean you exorcised them?”

“Yeah... not so much. They're dead.”

For a moment you were shocked but less by the fact itself but by the way Sam said it. It was not that he did not seem to care it was more that it did not seem too unusual for him.

“Wait you killed them?”

“We can't always avoid that. If we cannot exorcise a demon it sometimes is the only way to make sure they can't hurt anybody else.”

You were still a little shook but on the other hand it somehow made sense to you. And you had already expected this life to have some dark sides to it.

“Sam... who is this … Castiel?”

“As I said, he's a friend. You can trust him.”

“Is he really an …. angel?”

Sam broke eye contact for a moment and smiled before looking back at you.

“Yeah he is.”

“Okay now I'm confused. Demons are real. Angels are real, too? What else is real?”

“Basically everything.”

“But one thing doesn't make sense. We said I can only sense lies in humans. But when Castiel lied it felt like somebody stabbed me in the neck.”

Sam seemed surprised to hear that and he seemed to think about it for a while before he spoke again.

“That's something we should look into. Maybe our first theory wasn't quite correct.”

And so he waited for Cas and Dean to finish their conversation and had all four of you sit down at the table in the library.

“Cas, when you came here Y/N asked you to say some things, right?”  
“Yes.”

“She asked you to lie, right?”

“You could say that, yes. Why?”

“The thing is, that Y/N can sense lies. But so far we thought it only works on humans because she could not sense the lies in demons. When she asked you to lie she says it felt very intense. More than usual.”

“So what?” Dean asked with confusion. “Does that mean that her lie detector has a signature ring tone for every kind of human, demon, angel or monster?”

“I think” you started carefully “it's more a difference in intensity. It did not feel different, just much more intense.”

“Any idea why?” Sam looked at everybody in the group.

After a moment of silence Cas seemed to have an idea.

“If humans lie it is simply speaking an act against your nature. What if the intensity of the feeling is linked to this? Human souls are balanced but basically good in nature. Demons are corrupted and twisted. Angels have the most pure nature. What if there is a correlation between the purity of the being and the intensity of the lie?”

For a moment you all just looked at each other and in the end you had to agree that it was at least very possible. Sam finally asked the ultimate question:

“How can we know if this is true?”

“Well” you shrugged. “I think I just have to train my ability, right? Pay more attention to detail.”

“That seems right. But first I think we should find out what your ability is based on.” Cas explained. “It should make it easier to develop your skills.”

One our later you had recovered from the revelation that not just demons were real but also angels and nearly every other creature ever heard of. Castiel had told you a little bit about heaven and the angels and you had started to relax in his presence.

“Y/N there is a way to find out more about your ability. About how it works and how to use it, maybe even strengthen it.”

“What way?”

“I could use my angelic powers to tap into your mind and see the origin of your ability, its structure and maybe unblock certain pathways so that you can use it more effectively, maybe even control it so you don't always feel the need to scratch your neck.”

“Tap into my mind? Sounds painful. And honestly I don't really want somebody meddling with my thoughts and memories and all that.”

“There is no reason to worry, yes it might hurt a little but I will be very careful and keep the pain to a minimum. Also I will not see any memories or private thoughts. These are located in other parts of your mind.”

You hesitated and even though you somehow trusted Castiel, you still did not feel comfortable with this idea.

“I … I will do it under one condition.”

“And what would that be?”

“I want Sam to be here. It would … make me feel safer.”

“Of course. I am sure he won't mind.”

Castiel quickly went to get Sam and after a brief explanation what Castiel was about to do, he agreed to stay at your side. He sat down right next to you and only after you confirmed that you were ready, Castiel stood up and positioned himself behind your chair. You saw his hands coming down to the sides of your head and out of a nervous impulse you grabbed Sam's hand. A smile tucked in the corner of his mouth, but he held your hand and gave it a gentle and calming little squeeze. A moment later you were surrounded by a bright warm light and you felt a slight sting in your temple. It was not really painful, more uncomfortable, but it lasted for quite a while. After what felt like several minutes, the light left you and you were not sure if anything had happened. The only thing you knew was that there had been many different emotions, but you did not actually feel changed.

“You have a very sensitive ability.” Castiel started. “It is actually based on empathy. Your mind is blocking your empathic senses to avoid being overwhelmed. I carefully removed one of the seals your mind had created so that you should now be able to sense everything more clearly. I also tried to recalibrate the trigger sensation you receive when sensing a lie. You might need some getting used to in order to adapt to the changes.”

“Thank you...”

You were still hesitant about the changes but so far you did not feel different. The only thing you felt was a sudden embarrassment when you realized you were still holding Sam's hand. He however did not seem to mind and just gave you a warm smile.

“Well, I think now all I can do is practice. So who's up for some truth or dare?”

You grinned at Sam and he chuckled. But it was true, in order to adapt to the changes Castiel made, you had to test your ability. And that was only possible by listening to a mix of truth and lies. So why not have a little fun with it?


	4. Truth without words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel used his angelic powers to fine tune your abilities and give you the chance to use it more effectively and with less discomfort. You try and talk to the Winchesters to train your ability, only to find out that talking to them could sometimes be more difficult than you assumed. But when you talk to Sam and touch his hand you notice that what Castiel did had some unexpected side effects. You get your chance to get to know the boys even better. But where is all this going?

After Castiel had „recalibrated“ your ability as he had put it, you were curious to find out what had changed. The angel looked at you and asked you if you were feeling okay, which you immediately confirmed. It was hard to say how you felt but you felt good, maybe even a bit refreshed after the stinging in your head had stopped.

“Castiel? Could you do me another favor?”

“If I can.”

“Lie to me.”

The angel gave you a small smile before his face turned into a stone-like mask.

“I prefer being in Heaven instead of walking among humans.”

A shiver rand down your spine, prickling and warm and you could not help but to shudder.

“Wow that was … different.”

“Did it still hurt?”

“Not at all, it was very intense but not painful at all.”

You smiled at Castiel and he smiled back and for a moment you just felt completely calm.

“Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

A moment later Castiel got ready to leave again and while Sam approached him to ask something, you took the chance to go get Dean. Because when you had suggested a game of truth or dare to test your ability, you had not been joking – well at least not entirely.

You knocked on Dean's door, but there was no answer. A second knock did not change anything. But you heard the sound of somebody putting a glass bottle on a table. So you carefully turned the knob and opened the door just a bit, enough to be noticed by Dean should he be inside, but not far enough that you could see anything that was going on inside the room. You did not want to intrude or maybe even stumble into some kind of inappropriate situation. But obviously Dean had noticed the movement and just a moment later he opened the door and looked at you.

“Hey Dean, sorry, but I knocked twice and it seems you did not hear it.”

“Yeah sorry, I had my headphones on.”

“I see. You know, Cas just … uhm … well he did something with his angel powers and he said my ability should have changed a little now. And I tried it with him and it seems true. So I wanted to test it with you and Sam. See if I can figure out what's true and what's not.”

“You mean... like some kind of truth or dare?”

“Yeah sort of … but without the dare.” You grinned.

“So … truth or truth...”

“Exactly.”

For a moment Dean hesitated before he smiled reluctantly.

“Well that sounds fun.”

You chuckled. “Oh come on. I'm not going to ask for your most intimate fantasies or something like that. And by the way, if I catch you lying because Sam is listening, I can keep it to myself.”

You gave him a little wink and he just grinned and followed you back to the library. Sam was sitting on the edge of the table, checking his cell phone. When you came in he looked up and gave you the typical warm smile. After you all sat down you grinned at the brothers.

“So who wants to go first? Let's start with the easy stuff … likes and dislikes for example.”

“Pie!” was Dean's first reaction.

You laughed.

“Come on make it a little harder.”

“Sam and I share the same taste in burgers.”

The shiver that went down your spine was unfamiliar but still clear enough.

“Okay you obviously don't.”

“Yeah that's because Sam prefers rabbit food. Salad and vegetables and … smoothies.”

“So what? I care about my health. You should try that, too.”

“Hey, no fighting, boys.”

“Sam and I never fight.”

“Oh you do.”

It seemed as if the brothers were wondering what to say next that was not too obvious but also not too private.

“Okay let me just ask you some questions alright? Maybe that's easier.”

They nodded and you thought about some interesting questions.

“Alright, what do you prefer..... beer or whiskey?”

“Whiskey.”

“Beer.”

“Pineapple on pizza yes or no?”

“Not really.”

“Yeah sure.”

You grinned and decided not to get into this delicate subject.

“Hmm.... how old were you when you had your first kiss?”

“16.”

“I have no idea.”

“Who was your first love?”

“Jessica....”

When you heard Sam say that name you regretted asking that question. But what surprised you more was Dean's reaction.

“I'm gonna get a beer, you want one?”

You nodded absentmindedly and when he left you just looked at Sam.

“Not a good question, hmm?”

“Yeah not so much.”

After making a mental note to avoid that subject you waited for Dean to return with three beer. As you took a sip, you decided to focus on their work for a moment instead of going into personal details.

“What's the most dangerous thing you've encountered so far?”

“Dick.”

“Lucifer.”

“Excuse me?”

Sam chuckled and Dean seemed confused for a second before he realized what he just said.

“Dick as in Dick Roman. You know, Richard Roman.... Sucracorp....?”

“Oh … okay..... wait he was a monster?”

“Yeah... Leviathan. Nasty things.”

“Uhm... okay.... so … what was your most difficult case so far?”

“The Leviathans I think.”

“The apocalypse probably.”

“Apocalypse, yeah sure...” You grinned because of this obvious lie.

“Okay it's true, the Leviathans were more difficult.” Dean admitted.

“Wait what? Come on guys... the apocalypse? Don't you think people would know about that?”

Sam shrugged.

“Remember 2010? With the diseases, hurricanes, earthquakes and all that?” 

“Dean, he's joking, right? Are you guys telling me that was the apocalypse and you somehow just stopped it?”

Dean and Sam both looked at you with open and honest faces and both gave you a simple “Yes.”

“Okay but if this was the apocalypse, how did you manage to stop it?”

It was as if time had slowed down. You knew it had been a bad question because both brothers broke eye contact, drank some beer and stayed silent.

“Alright, you know what? I think I got quite a good feeling for my changed ability now. So … if you don't mind, I'll take a break now, okay?”

They both agreed as expected, but Sam seemed a little concerned even though he tried to hide it. He seemed to care a lot about others, even about you. Dean on the other hand was so hard to understand sometimes. When the three of you got up from the table, you decided to go for a different approach. Conversation instead of random questions and, even more important, you would have separate conversations with Sam and Dean so that they would not be forced to hide things from each other.

A while later you randomly walked through the bunker when you saw Sam sitting in the kitchen with a beer and his laptop, apparently busy researching something.

“Hey Sam.”

He looked up and smiled.

“Hey.”

“Do you have a moment?”

“Sure.”

“You know, I realized that earlier I was kind of acting a bit like a bull in a china shop, so I was wondering if we could maybe just talk. I'd like to get to know you a little better.”

“It wasn't your fault. There's just a lot of stuff that's hard to talk about.”

“I understand. That's why I stopped.”

“So what would you like to talk about?”

“Just general stuff. What you like about the bunker, what you think about your life as a hunter, what you do in your free time, you know stuff like that.”

Sam nodded and closed his laptop before thinking about your questions.

“Well as you know the bunker has a great collection of lore and spell books. It really helps us to find out what we're up against and to find the right ways to deal with it, so we can minimize the risk.”

“So it makes it safer for you? That's great.”

“Well, it's never actually safe, but we are at least better prepared.”

“Okay, I see.”

“Apart from that this place is warded against nearly everything so we are protected while preparing for a hunt. At least as long as we're here.”

You realized that Sam did not say anything personal about the bunker but that he seemed to focus on the practical aspects. He really was concerned about safety as it seemed.

“And we don't really have much free time. If we do have some time off, I like to go for a run, educate myself on lore, restock our supplies or just read a good book.”

Even now he seemed to focus more on the job than on his personal life. It seemed like there was not much space left for anything else.

“Sam, have you … have you ever known a life without hunting? I mean... Dean said that you were just a baby when your dad started hunting and … well … do you even know any kind of regular life?”

You tried to ask carefully but in the end there was no way around the simple core of your question.

“Yeah I do actually. I stopped hunting and went to college.”

“You went to college? Wow! Okay on the other hand it's not a real surprise given how much you apparently love to read and learn. What did you study?”

“I studied law in Stanford.”

Your jaw dropped.

“Okay now I'm impressed. But if you left why did you return to hunting?”

“Well even if you stop hunting you always know what's out there. And one day Dean came to me and needed my help because our dad had gone missing. So I helped him and I … well I ended up hunting again and I haven't looked back since.”

Sam seemed a little sad and you knew he was hiding something. But you decided not to pry and to simply put your hand on his as a small gesture. As soon as you did this, you felt a weird knot in your stomach, your heart started racing and you had a lump in your throat. It was like you were feeling some kind of emptiness, some form of loss, but there was no reason why. But suddenly you had a suspicion. Carefully taking away your hand, you looked at Sam.

“Sam, I … I'm not sure how to say that, but... something bad happened when you left Stanford, didn't it? Something really bad that you still carry with you?”

He looked at you in silence for a moment before answering.

“Yes it did. But... how did you know that?”

“I'm not sure. I just took your hand and it was like … I suddenly felt like I had lost someone, you know?”

“Were you able to do that before?”

“No it has never happened. I don't even know how I did that.”

“Okay, wait.... just.... give me a moment.”

You patiently waited while Sam seemed to think about something. After a moment he looked at you with the most neutral face and held out his hand.

“Try it again.”

It took you a moment until you could bring yourself to take his hand because you were not sure what to expect. When you closed your eyes and touched his hand you had a tingling sensation in your stomach, a twitch in your midriff and for a moment you felt like chuckling without any obvious reason. You opened your eyes again and saw that Sam seemed pretty amused and you noticed that you had a broad grin on your face.

“Okay what the hell were you thinking about? Whatever it was, it seems it was damn funny.”

“Oh it was.”

“You wanna tell me?”

Sam grinned. “I thought of a moment during a case where a cat jumped out of a locker and Dean was so scared that he screamed like a little girl for about three seconds straight.”

“No way!”

“Well to be fair he was affected by ghost sickness, so it doesn't really count.”

“I … really? Because of a cat?”

“Hey, don't tell him I told you, okay?”

“No... no I won't.”

You both continued grinning but after a moment Sam had that curiosity in his eyes again.

“So... you think this has to do with what Cas did?”

“Maybe, but how could it?”

“Well he said your ability was based on empathy right? Maybe whatever he did made you more perceptible to emotions?”

“That would make sense... Kind of an unexpected side effect, though.”

“Well I'm sure you can handle it. And if not Cas can probably turn it back to how it was before.”

“Probably... but I think I should give it some time. Maybe there's something good about it.”

Sam nodded and kept looking at you with that glimmer of curiosity in his beautiful eyes. For a moment you lost yourself, trying to figure out what color his eyes were, but you could not really identify it and decided to pull yourself together.

“Well anyways, thanks for the talk.”

When you left the kitchen, you wondered what was happening here. So far the brothers did not drop any hints that you should leave and for some reason you were not sure you wanted to leave. But maybe it was just because all of this seemed exciting and new and so different from everything you had before. You were not really a religious person, but maybe there was a reason for all of this. Maybe you were where you were supposed to be.

After laying on your bed for a while, thinking about what just happened, you decided to look for Dean. He was not in his room, not in the kitchen or the library, so you asked Sam, who suggested the garage. 

“You have a garage?”

Sam described you the way and when you went up the stairs and entered the supposed garage, your jaw just dropped. Four beautiful vintage cars were standing there. You looked around and wanted to say something, but you hesitated because what you saw was Dean, standing with the back to you, leaning over the engine of his Impala. Though you did not want to admit it, you took a moment to enjoy the sight of his butt because you knew you would not get another good look like this anytime soon. Before risking to be caught, however, you cleared your throat and made sure he noticed you when you came closer.

“Hey Dean, everything okay with your car?”

“Sure, just giving my Baby a check-up.”

He looked up, smiling at you, wiping his oil-stained hands with an old rag. When you looked at the engine you saw that everything seemed clean and well taken care of, just like the rest of the car. 

“She really means a lot to you, right?”

“Yeah... got her from my dad. He bought her in 1978 and she's been with us ever since.”

You noticed a slight nostalgic smile on his face.

“Awesome garage you have here. Gives this place kind of a James Bond vibe, you know?”

Dean grinned.

“Yeah I know what you mean. The classic interior, the underground garage with those vintage cars, the tunnel leading to the street. Only difference is that James Bond didn't return to headquarters covered in vampire blood.”

“Yeah that's true. But still I would never have guessed you have a garage here. This place really is incredible. I mean it's got the map table, it's own electric system, the library, the many bedrooms, the big kitchen and now even a garage?”

“And it's got an infirmary, lots of storage space and a shooting range.”

“A shooting range? You're kidding, right?”

“Oh and of course the dungeon.”

He looked up from the engine and gave you a little wink. First you thought he was joking but as usual, your ability was not giving you any signs that he was telling a lie.

“Okay, seriously, I want a tour. Full on bunker adventure tour!”

Dean grinned, wiped some of the engine parts clean with a rag before he took a step back and rolled his shoulders too loosen up the muscles.

“Sure as long as Sam doesn't have a new case, we can do that.”

He packed his things and you followed him back to his room. He went in and left the door open while washing his hands. You looked around while you were standing in the door frame and suddenly you saw something that sparked your interest. Without actually entering the room you took a moment to identify the magazine on his bed and suddenly you started grinning. 

“Is that last months issue you have there?”

He looked at you and seemed to have no idea what you were talking about, until you gave him a little nod towards his bed on which lay an issue of Busty Asian Beauties. Although he did not seem to be embarrassed it was clear that he was not sure what to say.

“Uh, yeah …. why?”

“Got the new issue yet? It's the best one this year so far.”

First his brows went up with an expression of surprise and curiosity, until he suddenly seemed to realize something.

“Wait... you mean....”

He looked at you, at the magazine and at you again. But you just shrugged.

“What? I'm into both men and women.”

It seemed to take a second until he fully understood what you had just said and suddenly he had to fight really hard to hide the grin that wanted to spread on his face. You did not need any ability to know what was going on in his head and you had expected that certain look anyways. To distract him from whatever was going on in his head, you decided to remind him of your idea. 

“Come on, you wanted to show me around.”

He snapped out of it and just nodded. And after taking his gun and putting it into the back of his pants, he left his room and started walking along the hallway towards the map room. He lead you to the room behind it, located under the bunker entrance - the infirmary. But he explained to you that they barely ever used it as they were used to patching each other up under any circumstances and as they were often lucky enough to have Castiel heal them with his angel powers. After that he turned around, showed you the different rooms that kept the systems of the bunker going. In the end he lead you to a dusty archive with shelves full of case files and books and boxes. For some reason he seemed surprisingly excited about this room as there was a tiny smile on his lips when he entered. When he went to the back of the room, he went straight for to shelves and suddenly grabbed them and started pulling so that they opened up a passage to another room.

“See? Dungeon!”

You just stared at him and started laughing.

“You seriously have a freaking dungeon! This place is nuts.”

Slowly you walked into that room and started looking around. There was a devil's trap on the floor and a chair and a variety of cuffs with symbols on it.

“You actually use this?”

“Well sometimes. Usually we just kill the monster instead of catching it, but it can be useful. The cuffs are not just strong but they're marked with sigils and spell work so they can block the powers of monsters like for example demons, angels or witches.”

Slowly nodding you walked around and looked at all the details and items.

“Quite impressive. I still hope you don't need it. The thought of a monster being tied up in here gives me the creeps.”

Sure enough Dean did not hesitate to close the room behind you and walk you straight out. After walking along another hallway you came to another room and when Dean opened the door you immediately started smiling – it was the shooting range.

“Okay Dean, I know you took your gun with you for a reason. So show me what you got.”

He smiled and positioned himself in the middle, loading and unlocking his gun. It seemed like he let go of all emotions and his face showed nothing but pure focus when he raised his gun. You took a step back and after he had fired three quick shots, you came closer again to look at the target. It was a small grouping of three hits in the chest – you had to admit you were impressed. After hesitating for a moment, he looked at you.

“Wanna give it a try?”

He locked his gun and held it out to you. You nearly wanted to take it when you realized you could not avoid touching him if you did.

“Dean there's something you should know.”

“You said you handled a gun before, didn't you?”

“Yeah, that's not it. It's about my ability. When I talked to Sam earlier we noticed that whatever Cas did to me changed something. We're not sure yet but it seems that it not only changed my ability to sense lies but it also triggered some kind of empathic ability. When I touched Sam I could sense what he was feeling in that moment. So I just want to be fair and warn you before I touch you and maybe notice something you don't want me to notice.”

“Alright. That's good to know.”

He did not say anything else but you could see there was more going on. Instead of handing you the gun, he put it down so you could pick it up. You did that and immediately remembered the feeling of target practice and hunting with your dad. After Dean had made a step back you raised the gun and took a deep breath before firing three shots. Yours were much slower than Dean's and you knew you did not have anything close to his skills, but still the result was okay for you. You locked the gun and put it down again.

“Hmm not bad. Haven't practiced in a while?”

“Yeah it's been about three years and I was never as good as you. Also your gun is heavier than what I was used to.”

“But still, not bad.”

He took the gun and put it back in his waistband.

“So is there anything else you want to see or know?”

“No I think it's enough for now. And I don't want to take too much of your time.”

“It's okay. Sam will find a case soon enough so it's nice to do something else in between.”

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks...”

“For what?”

“For everything. Saving my roommate, talking to me, letting me stay here.”

“It's okay. We usually don't do that but it somehow made sense.”

You left the shooting range and walked with Dean in silence until you parted ways to go to your separate rooms. When you were sitting on your bed you thought about the whole situation and why you felt so weird about it. Of course you knew Sam and Dean had only taken you in to keep you safe from the demons that were after you. Now those two demons were dead and they had still allowed you to stay here. But as Dean had said it, Sam would sure find a new case soon and you expected that to be the point where your ways would part. After all they would not let you stay here alone for however long they might be on the road. The idea of going back to your motel room and pretend to have a normal life should have made you happy, but you realized you started to tear up. Because no matter how crazy it was, you had to admit you did not want to leave.


	5. Facing the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting to know you and your ability a little better, Sam comes up with an idea. And even though Dean does not quite agree, the brothers take you with them on your first case. You are not sure what to expect but you are definitely not prepared for what really happens. In the end you are confronted with the most important question: Where do you go from here?

The next morning you had skipped breakfast and instead spent some time in your room, thinking about what might happen after you left the bunker. When you went to the kitchen to grab a bite, you could hear Sam and Dean in the library, obviously discussing something. You grabbed a cup of coffee and decided to join them. While coming closer you started understanding part of their conversation.

“...not doing that, Sam! You hear me?”

“But it only makes sense!”

“She's not ready for that. We can't make her do that.”

“Shouldn't we at least ask her if...”

Sam had just seen you entering the room and the conversation stopped so abruptly that Dean was confused and turned around to see what Sam was staring at.

“Morning guys. I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation.”

“It's okay.” Sam said with a smile.

You did not see the look Dean gave him but you assumed it was not a happy one.

“You guys weren't just talking about me, were you?”

“Well as a matter of fact we ...”

“No.” Dean interrupted. “It was not about you.”

“Uhm, Dean, you remember a certain ability I have?”

His reaction clearly showed that he had hoped you would believe him anyways.

“It's okay if you were talking about me. And it's okay if you don't want to tell me. But I have the feeling I should probably know about this.”

For a moment the brothers just looked at each other, obviously having some kind of non verbal discussion. But then Sam turned back to you.

“Y/N the thing is, that we have found a case we want to look into.”

“So you want me to leave?”

“No. Actually... I suggested we take you with us.”

This was the one thing you had not expected. You looked at Sam and did not really know what to say.

“Sam thinks it's a good idea to use your abilities to solve the case. But I already told him that's not gonna happen.”

“Why not? Shouldn't you at least ask me?”

“This isn't just about asking some questions and going home again. It's dangerous. And you're not a hunter.”

“Dean, I may not understand everything you do, but I know it's dangerous. And I know I'm not a fighter. But if I can help, I want to do it. I trust you to keep me safe.”

You did not know why but something in that last sentence seemed to affect Dean because he suddenly broke eye contact and gave Sam a look that seemed to say a lot.

“Dean maybe we should at least talk about it.” Sam tried carefully.

“Alright.” Dean sighed. “But that does not mean we actually do it!”

You sat down with your coffee and waited for the explanation. While Dean just looked grumpy, Sam started telling you the basics.

“We're regularly checking out news regarding freak accidents or unsolved crimes and things like that. Because if it's our kind of thing it usually has some unusual element to it. Like a person supposedly killed by a bear in a region where there are no bears. Or somebody being stabbed in a locked room with no sign of forced entry.”

You nodded and tried to make mental notes.

“This morning I found a case in Junction City. Three people died from internal bleeding. It seemed like some sharp object cut into the inside of their stomach, but there were no traces of anything like that in their stomach, nor was their esophagus damaged in any way.”

“Okay, that does sound weird. But what kind of monster could do something like that?”

“We think it might be a witch.”

“Wait... witches are real, too?”

“Well witches aren't actual monsters. They...”

“Oh they are.” Dean interrupted.

“What I'm trying to say is, that witches are human. They either use spell work or hex bags or they summon demons to do their dirty work.”

“So they are humans but because they use magic and they kill people, you see them as monsters?”

Sam seemed a little uncomfortable with that question and as he hesitated, Dean answered.

“They kill people. Usually nasty. Have them choke on their own blood, burned alive, curse them into committing suicide. You have no idea what these bitches can do but it's always some nasty bloody business. So yeah, they're no better than other monsters.”

It surprised you a little how bitter Dean seemed, but on the other hand he obviously had seen his fair share of witch victims and you had no experience at all.

“I see... And how am I supposed to help you with this?”

Sam looked at Dean as if he was unsure if he should actually continue.

“As I said, witches are human. So we cannot test them with holy water, silver or any of the other stuff. It can sometimes be difficult to make them out and usually we have to trust our gut and rely on what police and witnesses tell us.”

“So you want me to go with you so you know who is lying?”

“You wouldn't have to do much. Just come with us, listen to the conversations and tell us what you can sense.”

For a moment you thought about this and tried to imagine what it could be like. But after a while you looked at Sam and then at Dean.

“Alright, I'll do it.”

While Sam gave you an encouraging smile, Dean looked like he had obviously hoped you would say no. But he also did not argue anymore, probably because he knew he could not persuade you anyways.

An hour later you had all packed your things and you were ready to leave. When you took off, you were surprised to hear that you had to go shopping first. As it turned out, there was an important detail missing – you needed a pant suit. So while Dean waited in the car, Sam accompanied you into a store for evening attire. After telling the sales woman a story about how you had just gotten a new job and needed a nice business suit, you found something nice and your “big brother” Sam paid for it with a smile. After that you continued your way to Junction City.

While Sam had talked to the coroner, you and Dean had spent the time mostly in silence. You knew he did not like the idea of you being here, but you were not sure why. When Sam came back he told you that speaking to the coroner only confirmed what they had already known and he had gotten the case files from the police.

“Okay Y/N, now we check the case files and look for something they have in common. Basically just like the police would do it if they were looking into multiple murders.”

In the end the victims turned to be two young men and a woman, none of them having any obvious connections. They all worked in three different places, an insurance company, a furniture store and a florist. The two men lived relatively close by, but the woman lived in another part of the city. Thy decided to talk to the one man's wife, the other man's roommate and the woman's sister. Those seemed to be their only close contacts.

When they arrived at the first house, a young woman opened the door and Dean approached her.

“Miss Darlington?”

The woman nodded and Sam and Dean flashed their FBI badges.

“I'm Agent Savage and these are my associates, Agent Elliott and Miss Joplin. We are here to talk about your sister Jenna.”

The woman let you in and while Sam and Dean sat down with her, you pretended to take a look around, so you would be out of sight and could signal Sam and Dean whenever you sensed a lie.

“Miss Darlington, we would like to ask you some routine questions about your sister.”

“Okay, but … I already spoke to the police.”

“I promise it won't take long.”

“Alright.”

“Did Jenna have any problems lately, did she behave differently, did she perhaps seem scared?”

“No, she was happy. But … the police said she died of a natural cause. Some kind of internal bleeding.”

The woman seemed confused and worried and it did not surprise you that Sam took over.

“Miss Darlington, we just want to make sure that we cover every possibility. So please, if you could try to remember if Jenna had changed in some way?”

“She wasn't scared. She actually seemed happy. I was not sure why but it seemed that she was more energetic and positive than usual.”

“Did she maybe get a new job? Or is it possible that she maybe fell in love? The police did not seem to know about a boyfriend, did she maybe mention something to you?”

“No, I … I suspected that she might have started dating, but she never mentioned anything like it. And I did not ask.”

“I know this is hard, but can you think of anybody who would want to harm your sister?”

“Jenna was a calm and lovely person. She hated to fight and she was very popular. She always tried to make everybody happy. That's why she loved working as a florist, because she always said that flowers could express only positive emotions like love, respect and appreciation.”

The woman obviously started to tear up and her voice became shaky. Sam just smiled at her in his usual warm and understanding way.

“Thank you for your time. If you happen to remember anything else, please give us a call.”

He handed her an FBI business card and he and Dean stood up to leave.

Back in the car Dean looked at the both of you.

“Seemed pretty convincing, don't you think?”

Sam nodded and you decided to share your evaluation.

“I could not sense any lies. She was absolutely sure of what she said. If there was anything wrong with her sister, she does not know about it.”

“Alright” Dean sighed. “Next one is the roommate, right?”

Sam nodded and you drove off to the next address.

A man in his 30s opened the door when Dean knocked and let them in after they once again introduced themselves as the FBI.

“We wanted to talk to you about the death of your roommate.”

“My... roommate?”

“Yes, Mr. … John Wyatt?”

“Oh, John... Well he wasn't my roommate. He was... my partner.”

You noticed how Dean got slightly uncomfortable and he took a moment longer to look at his notepad. Maybe he was trying to adapt the tone of the conversation to the new circumstances. However, after just a brief moment, Sam took over the conversation.

“Did your partner mention anything unusual in the days before his death? Or did his behavior maybe change? Did he seem nervous, perhaps even scared?”

“But... I thought he died of some kind of organ damage that caused this internal bleeding.”

You suddenly felt that slight tickling in your back. Something was off.

“We are just trying to look at the case from all possible angles. So if you would please try to remember if you noticed anything?”

“No, he seemed just normal. He wasn't scared or anything. And I don't see what this has to do with anything.”

Sam did not even directly look at you, but he still seemed to notice that yo shook your head. This man was consciously lying.

“Even if you didn't notice anything, could you maybe think of anybody who would want to harm him? Somebody who held a grudge against him, or somebody who was in some kind of competition with him? Anything can help us.”

“Not that I know of. But we tried to keep to ourselves that we were a couple. People don't always tolerate guys like us. Maybe somebody found out he was gay. For some people that's reason enough to hurt somebody.”

The bitter tone in his voice showed that this conversation was about to go sideways. Sam fortunately realized that and decided to stop here.

“Well thank you for your time. We'll get out of your way now. If you happen to remember anything you didn't mention, please give us a call.”

And once more Sam handed out a business card and you left the house to return to the Impala. You had barely gotten into the car when Sam gave you a curious look.

“So he doesn't believe it was a natural death?”

“He does at least doubt it. Something must have happened in the days before. When you asked if John was scared or anything, he was clearly lying. And also when you asked him about somebody holding a grudge or something, he held back. He wasn't really lying, it was more that he wasn't sure.”

Dean looked at the both of you.

“So in short, he knows it was probably murder but he is not sure why?”

“Yeah I think so.”

He started the car and sighed.

“Alright, let's check out the wife of the third victim and see what she has to say.”

At this point you had to admit, you were actually fascinated by the case work. Of course you knew this was just a small part and it was the clean and easy part and there was a lot of dirt, sweat and blood you had not yet seen. But the part you had seen so far was something you could get used to.

After a short stop at a gas station you finally arrived at the widow's house. She also let you in after seeing the FBI badges, but she seemed different than the others. Her face was pale and she looked like she had cried just recently and just in general she seemed way more affected by the death of her husband. But on the other hand, loosing a sister, a partner of 4 years or a husband of 10 years were all very different things and everybody handled grief in their own way. So maybe she was just the more emotional type. This time Sam took over the conversation right from the start. Probably because he seemed to be the more sensitive one of the brothers when it came to asking personal questions. He even waited patiently while she made coffee for everybody before actually picking up the conversation.

“We know this is hard for you. But anything you can think of can help us. It is quite possible it was really just some kind of organ failure but we just want to be absolutely sure.”

“But he was such a sweet guy. He was always polite and got along with everybody. People just liked him and it was easy for him to connect to others. I cannot imagine why any of his friends or colleagues would want to harm him.”

You felt a slight shiver running down your spine, but you were not quite sure why. It did not seem like she was lying. It just seemed like she was overselling it a bit. But that was probably normal as most people were raised to not speak ill of the deceased.

When you left, the brothers once again asked you for your opinion. You knew they had very good instincts of their own and they were very trained at spotting lies, but still they always asked you first.

“I'm not sure. There is something off, but it seems she is just overselling it a little. Like she wants to paint the best possible picture of her husband and ignore his flaws, you know?”

“That's not unusual.” Sam admitted.

Dean however sat there for a moment, hesitating, obviously listening to his gut.

“Sam, you stay and keep an eye on our weeping widow here. Y/N and I go back to the police station and look at the files once more. There has to be a connection we didn't see.”

You agreed and dropped Sam off just around the corner and you switched to his seat. It was a nice feeling to ride shotgun and appreciate the Impala in all her beauty. Dean was pretty quiet for the first 10 minutes of the ride and you did not even mind. But then you noticed he seemed increasingly uncomfortable. He started shifting in his seat and he seemed to get a little pale. At first you tried to ignore it because if he was having some kind of digestive issues you really did not want to talk about it. But suddenly he stopped the car on the side of the road even though the police station was still out of sight. When you looked over he was holding his stomach and trying to breathe regularly.

“Dean are you okay?”

“I... I don't know.”

He really seemed off and after a moment it seemed like he was having some kind of stomach cramps. He moaned, even closed his eyes for a second and even though you did not know him that well, you knew he was probably not the kind of guy to get whiny just because he was a little too gassy. And indeed the moaning turned into a groan and you could see his whole body getting tense.

“Call Sam...” he suddenly groaned.

Fortunately you had Sam's number in your cell phone and immediately did as requested.

“Sam something's wrong with Dean.”

You just wanted to hand over the phone when Dean let out a painful groan that made the hairs on your neck stand up. Before you could even react, he opened the door of the Impala, trying to get out, just to drop down on his knees just outside the car.

“ _Y/N talk to me! What's going on?”_

It was obvious that Sam was extremely worried and you were sure he had heard Dean.

“Just a second Sam.”

You jumped out of the car, rushed around it and fell on your knees right next to Dean. He was holding his stomach, using the other hand to keep himself up, and just when you tried to ask him what was happening, you saw that blood was dripping from his mouth. Unable to react you heard Sam call your name, asking for information. Suddenly Dean raised his head and between painful groans and coughing blood, he called out for his brother.

“Sam! Sam it's her!”

“ _On it!”_

You were not even sure what the brothers just had discussed when Sam hung up on you. But you had not time to start wondering about it because Dean was no longer able to hold himself up and he dropped to his side, groaning and growling in pain, blood dripping from his mouth, his whole body cramping.

“Dean, hold on. It's gonna be okay.”

You had no idea why you even said it, but you had to believe it. Forgetting about your abilities and acting completely out of instinct, you grabbed Dean's hand. To your surprise, he held on to it – probably subconsciously – and his grip got so tight that it started hurting your fingers. But you did not care. Because as soon as he took your hand, you felt what he felt. It was not the physical pain that you felt and for some reason there was barely any fear. Instead he felt angry and struggled to stay in control and not let fear take over. You were not sure why, but something told you this was not the worst pain he had ever experienced, because otherwise he would have been way more afraid. And also there was a deep trust mixed in with the other emotions. A trust in Sam, that he would make it stop. You on the other hand were scared and feeling completely helpless. Seeing this strong tall hunter in so much pain that his whole body was cramping, that his breath was going irregular, that he even started to tear up not due to emotion but pure pain, was something you did not know how to handle. The blood dripping from Dean's mouth had already formed a small puddle when all the cramps and the groaning stopped from one second to the next. You would probably have assumed the worst, but you were still holding his hand and there were still emotions to feel. But now it was pure relief and gratefulness. 

“Dean? Dean are you okay?”

He slowly nodded and rolled on his back, taking deep breaths. You quickly let go of his hand, not wanting to intrude any longer and just when you did that your cell phone rang.

“ _Is he okay?”_

“Yes Sam, he seems okay. What happened?”

“ _I'll explain it later.”_

Dean looked up at you and made a small gesture to hand him the phone.

“Hey Sam. Yeah I'm okay. We'll pick you up as soon as we can. Just tell me where you are.”

A moment later he handed the cell phone back to you and slowly started to get up.

“Dean, slow down. You nearly died so take it easy.”

But he was already on his feet, leaning against his Impala, still obviously shaky, wiping the blood of his face.

“You get used to it.” he said with a small grin that was apparently meant to cheer you up.

And it actually worked because you saw that he was still shaky but at least emotionally stable and trying to quickly get back to his usual self. Probably this really was something he did not experience for the first time. Still you insisted on him taking a small break before driving again and he did not even argue. He just sat behind the wheel, his eyes closed, his breath deep and regular.

“Dean, when you were down, I … you know I took your hand, right?”

“Mmhmm....”

“I forgot about my ability and … I didn't mean to ...”

“It's okay. Let's just not talk about it, alright?”

He did not even open his eyes when he said that, he did not get angry, defensive or tried to deny anything. He was surprisingly calm and you realized it was actually okay for him. 

“Alright.”

After maybe another minute that you spent in silence again, he finally opened his eyes and started the engine. And after another 10 minute drive you saw Sam on the parking lot of a gas station and stopped to pick him up. You immediately vacated the shotgun seat for Sam and sat down on the backseat again. When you saw the two brothers looking at each other you realized just how strong their connection was. Just about three seconds of silent eye contact and it seemed they had said all there was to say and the three of you took off to get back to the bunker.

“So the grieving widow was our evil witch, hmm?”

“Yeah, she was actually targeting all three of us. She was using the coffee cups. Turns out you were apparently the only one who actually drank some. So Y/N and I were lucky.”

For a split second you realized you could have been in just as much pain as Dean and maybe would even have died, but the conversation quickly distracted you again.

“So what was her deal? I mean why kill her oh so sweet husband and what's with the other two?”

“Well I went through some of the stuff she had in her little ritual chest. Turns out her sweet husband was cheating on her with the florist. Must have been going on for months.”

“Okay, so she offed him and his affair. But what's with the third one.”

Suddenly Sam started grinning.

“Obviously, having an affair was not adventurous enough for them so they decided to spice things up and have a threesome.”

The look on Dean's face nearly made you laugh out loud because at first he seemed actually impressed until he gave it a little more thought and suddenly seemed to very much dislike the idea. 

You spent the rest of your ride home in complete silence, just listening to one of Dean's classic rock tapes. But the closer you came to the bunker, the more you started wondering about a certain question. When you were back inside you decided you needed an answer.

“Guys, wait a second.”

You waited until you had their attention.

“I know you weren't sure about taking me with you on this case. And I know I probably didn't help you much. So... I assume this was a one time deal?”

Sam hesitated and gave you a curious look.

“That witch was not just targeting Dean. She was targeting all of us. That means she could have killed you. Would you really want to go out there again?”

“I … I feel crazy even saying it, but … something about it felt right.”

Sam and Dean exchanged looks as if they were surprised, confused and maybe even a little impressed. You were sure Sam would probably give you a chance, given this whole thing was his idea, so you focused on Dean's reaction. He looked you straight in the eye for a moment.

“Well if you really want to do this, we have to do it the right way. And there is a lot you have to learn.”

Without waiting for a reaction he turned away and walked off. Sam and you also did not say anything else but when you walked along the hallway to your room, you could only think of one thing:

They had not said no!


	6. Personal truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You told the Winchester brothers about your wish to stay with them and they have not said no. But it's time for you to learn and to train until you are ready. So when you do find our first real case, you are confronted with the question: Do you really have what it takes to be a hunter?

You had been with the Winchester brothers for three weeks now. They had accepted – more or less willingly – that you wanted to stay with them and assist them with their cases. However, they had certain conditions. Dean had insisted that you started training. For starters that meant boxing and shooting. The shooting was no big deal and you actually enjoyed your unsupervised training every other evening. The boxing on the other hand was something you had never done. So in the beginning that meant that you put on boxing gloves and Dean held the punching bag while telling you how your posture and your movements were wrong and how you would hurt yourself if you did not correct that. But after a while that got better and he sometimes even let you train alone. With Sam it was the opposite. He knew that Dean was giving you all the physical training you could get, so he focused on your mind. Trying to figure out your strengths, he gave you book after book, carefully selected to introduce you to the broad basics of monster lore. This included demons, angels, vampires, werewolves, shifters and of course ghosts. And whenever you had finished an important chapter or even a book, you would talk about it and sometimes he would just surprise you with a random pop quiz over a cup of coffee. So far they handled most of the case work alone, because you were not yet up to face vampires or similar things. But Sam would talk to you about what they found in the news or on the internet, what they suspected and he would give you a sort of debriefing after they returned.

About an hour ago you had received a call from Sam, telling you that they were heading back to the bunker after cleaning out a smaller nest of vampires. You were in the kitchen, making coffee, when you heard the bunker door squeak. Curious about the report you headed for the library, but when you saw Sam and Dean, you nearly dropped your cup. They were not just dirty, they were bloody. Dean had a bruised jaw, a slightly swollen eye and a cut right above his left eyebrow that had obviously been bleeding badly earlier. His clothes were splattered with blood and mud. Sam was less muddy, but he seemed a bit pale, the sleeve of his flannel was ripped open and the collar was dark red as if it had been soaked with blood. When you looked closer you saw that there was a big white patch on his neck. A knot formed in your stomach and you reminded yourself that a vampire could not turn you with a bite alone.

“Are you guys okay?”

It was impossible to hide that you were worried.

Dean just mumbled that he was fine and to your surprise that was not even a real lie. Obviously for him this still qualified as “fine” - a slightly concerning observation.

Sam on the other hand gave you an exhausted smile and nodded.

“Don't worry, it's nothing serious. I'll get changed and take a shower and then we can talk, okay?”  
“Yeah, sure, take your time.”

The brothers left the room and you noticed something. Of course you had thought about the dangers of hunting and you knew they had experienced things they would not talk about and they had lost friends and family. But this was the first time that you actually saw them return somewhat beat up and you had to admit it felt weird. Had you been naive to think it was something you could handle? How could you really help them when you freaked out as soon as you saw some blood on their shirts? Or was it just something you would have to get used to, something that would get easier with time. You pushed away your thoughts and doubts and made sure the boys could either have a hot coffee or a cold beer when they returned to the library. Dean did not return, but after about 20 minutes Sam entered the library and looked a lot better now.

You both sat down with a beer and Sam started telling you about the case. It had indeed been a small vampire nest – four of them to be precise. They had found two missing people in their hut and saved them both. Of course he walked you through the case and always asked you to tell him what the next step should be. He seemed satisfied with all your answers and nodded, telling you how they had actually handled it.

“Hey Sam, how bad is the wound on your neck?”

“It's a small scratch, but nothing dangerous. Dean patched it up so that it would stop bleeding. I'll just clean it up and put a new patch on it and it should soon be better.”

You hesitated a moment but then you looked at him again.

“You want me to take care of that? It's probably easier, don't you think? And I have to get used to this kind of thing anyways, right?”

Sam seemed a little confused and for a second you thought he would protest, but then he nodded.

“Maybe you're right. I'll tell you what to do.”

He stood up and you followed him into the infirmary. There he showed you where they kept disinfectant, tweezers, cotton swabs, gauze, patches etc. He than sat down and opened some buttons of his shirt so he could pull it over his shoulder so you had free access to the wound. You got everything ready, but when you were just about to take off the improvised patch you hesitated. On the one hand you just remembered that you would have to touch him and should probably remind him of your ability. On the other hand you were pretty distracted by the view of his slightly wet brown hair, his surprisingly strong neck, his shoulder and his collar bone. And the tiniest peek of a tattoo he seemed to have on his chest. The scent of his shower gel was not helping either.

“You don't have to do it if you don't want to.”

It was this sentence that pulled you back into reality and you quickly shook your head.  
“No, it's fine. Just let me know if I hurt you okay?”

You carefully took one corner of the patch and started peeling it off. What you saw underneath was indeed not pretty. It seemed like fingernail scratches, more like claws, and they had ripped deep into his skin. But there was no deep gash and quite obviously no important blood vessel had been injured. You put the blood stained patch aside and after quickly reminding Sam of your ability you carefully started cleaning his wound. He flinched a bit every now and then but he did not complain and he seemed emotionally balanced and surprisingly calm. It was only when you had put on the fresh patch and let your fingers run over the edges to make sure that it was properly holding on, that you noticed something. The feeling you could read was subtle but it was enough to make you blush and turn around to quickly wash your hands. And even though it was subtle it reminded you of the fact that he was also just a man and for a moment you wondered how long it had been since he had felt somebody's fingers on his bare skin like this.

After a somewhat uncomfortable moment in which Sam got dressed, thanked you and you both left the infirmary in different directions, you sat in your room and studied the book on ghouls and similar creatures that Sam had given you. As usual you had some music playing in the background and you took scribbled notes, scratched things out, connected notes with arrows and made little question marks where you wanted to ask Sam something. After about three hours your head was buzzing. And after another 30 minutes you realized you could not focus on anything you read anymore. So you picked up your cell phone and sent Dean a text.

“Gym?”

Five minutes later you received a simple thumbs up, so you changed into sweatpants and t-shirt and went to meet him in the gym. You started stretching and warming up and tried to clear your mind and let go of all thoughts. Suddenly you felt something on your shoulder and before you even thought about it, your elbow shot backwards. You just heard a sudden cough and when you turned around you saw Dean holding his stomach.

“Oh shit! Dean, I'm sorry.”

“No … no it's fine... I deserved that for sneaking up on you.”

You couldn't help but chuckle.

“At least I'm developing reflexes, right?”

He just grinned and shook his head and you knew he would probably find a way to have some small revenge. You put on the boxing gloves and started following Dean's instructions on how to hit the punching bag. After a while you managed to find the right rhythm and Dean seemed satisfied.

“Here, put these on” he said and handed you a pair of grappling gloves. They felt different but you liked them as they allowed you to actually feel your hands and move your fingers. You turned back to the punching bag but Dean told you not to. Suddenly you saw that he had also put on gloves.

“Alright, you face me. Whenever I hold up one hand you hit that one. Always right on right, left on left, okay?”

You nodded and were curious what he had in mind. But when he started it slowly made sense. You had to pay attention, watch what he was doing, had to react fast enough and aim. It was difficult at first but you found your rhythm and your aim was actually not bad.

“Don't just move your arms. You stand there like your welded to the floor. Come on, move a little.”

“Yeah, I know, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. But I'm afraid I'm still in the caterpillar state.”

He slowly started to move in a circle around you, forcing you to change your position to keep facing him. And after a while your body felt less tense and it actually started to be fun. You continued training like this until your arms were getting heavy.

“I think you've had enough for today” Dean said.

“No I'm okay.”

“Your arms are getting weak, I can see it.”

“Maybe a little, but I'm still okay.”

“And you're losing focus.”

“I'm not.”

Suddenly you felt Dean grab your wrist and before you realized what was happening, the world started spinning, you lost your balance and a second later your back hit the ground. You moaned and looked up, only to see Dean towering over you, pinning your arms to the floor. He grinned at you, obviously satisfied that he could prove his point about you being unfocused. But suddenly you realized that his hands were still on your forearms and therefore touching your bare skin. First you felt just like before but suddenly there was a warm, tickling sensation and when you looked into his eyes you realized what your ability had just involuntarily told you. You blushed and cleared your throat and suddenly you could see that something inside of Dean clicked. He hastily took his hands off you and stood up.

“I... Sorry, I forgot.”

“It's okay. I actually forgot about it, too. At least for a while.”

Dean looked at you, but he did not seem uncomfortable. It seemed more like he was wondering if you were. You both took off your gloves and you stretched your muscles, thinking of a nice warm shower. When you left the gym Dean suddenly broke the silence.

“Next time I'll try to be more careful.”

“So next time you pin me to the ground, you'll try to control your thoughts?”

You looked at each other and grinned as you stopped in front of your room.

“Next time I pin you to the ground, I'll make sure to avoid skin contact.”

He gave you a little wink and turned away, walking down the hallway to his room. You just chuckled, entered your room, grabbed some clean clothes and left again to take a shower.

Two days later, you ate your breakfast in silence and alone and after you were done you grabbed your laptop and all courage you could find and went to the library where Sam and Dean were talking about some demon thing. When you entered they looked up and upon seeing your laptop Dean furrowed his brow, obviously wondering what you had in mind, while Sam raised his eyebrows and looked at you with open curiosity. You cleared your throat and put down your laptop.

“I think … I think I found a case.”

“Have you now?” Dean looked at you with just a hint of a smirk in the corner of his mouth.

“What is it?” Sam asked.

“Well I followed your search pattern and found a report about a alleged suicide on a graveyard.”

“So? I mean checking out next to the grave of a loved one isn't really that uncommon.”

“I know, Dean, just wait.”

Dean looked at you with a mild surprise on his face and Sam shot him a critical look before looking at you again, waiting for further explanations.

“Well it was a young man named Jason Dawn but he killed himself right inside the only mausoleum on that graveyard. There's only one person buried there – a guy named Aberforth Lancaster.”

Dean wanted to say something, but you just ignored him.

“The Lancaster Family owned part of the land and it was their private graveyard at first before it was opened to the public. Aberforth was the last one to be buried there. He and his older brother Percival were the last Lancasters. Percival left and nobody heard from him again and some years later Aberforth died.”

“But still”, Sam started carefully “what makes you think that's a case?”

“The people there developed a phrase. When somebody commits suicide there they say that the person 'visited Aberforth'. Because over the last 26 years all suicides – 37 in total – have happened in that mausoleum.”

When you said that the brothers just looked at each and back at you, obviously suddenly agreeing with you.

“So … old Aberforth doesn't like visitors and kinda haunts them into killing themselves?”

“Maybe” Sam shrugged while he opened his laptop. “So where is that graveyard?”

“McCook” you answered with a smile, happy that the boys were taking your discovery seriously.

“Okay, you kids have fun doing research, I'm gonna pack our stuff and go for a refuel.”

With those words Dean stood up and left the library. Sam did not even look up, but instead furrowed his brow while looking at the screen, searching for this and that, silently following his thoughts and theories.

Half an hour later you were all in the Impala, heading towards McCook. Sam had a tablet on his knees, still going through some of the stuff they had found out. You could see by the way he was barely looking up from the screen that something was bothering him. And you understood it. There was little to go on. The victims were of different age, race, gender and social status, did not seem connected in any way and even committed suicide in different ways. And there was nearly no information about the Lancaster brothers except what you had already told them. So you had decided that while Dean would talk to the police and try to find out more about the victims, Sam and you would go to the library to find more about the cemetery and the Lancaster family. When you arrived in McCook, Dean dropped you off at the library and continued to the police station. Researching in public would probably be very different from browsing the internet from the safety of your bunker. What would Sam even look into, where would he start and how would he explain why he needed to see certain material? Dressed a bit formally, but not in suit and tie, you both approached the front desk and Sam greeted the young librarian. When she looked up and her eyes met Sam's it seemed for a moment she had lost the ability to speak. And you could not even blame her. He told her that you were journalists for a regional history magazine and that you were doing a special issue on historic cemeteries in the area. You were surprised by his confidence and how he made the story sound completely convincing. So of course the librarian personally went to show you the right books. In the end you sat down with the books and a note pad and went through page after page of boring historical notes about the development of the city and the architectural details of the cemetery. But then you found more details and things got interesting.

“Hey, Sam, I think I found something.”

Immediately Sam looked up from the book and looked at you curiously.

“It says here that Aberforth and Percival lived together, but Percival got married and left. Aberforth stayed alone, about 3 years later he sold the cemetery to the city and another two years later he died. But it doesn't say anything about how he died.”

You sighed as it had not been the lead you had been hoping for. But Sam just gave you a small smile and you returned to reading. About five minutes later you heard him say your name.

“So get this, Aberforth didn't just die, he hung himself. And not just that. He hung himself on the tree next to the mausoleum the city had built for him as kind of a memorial for selling the cemetery. And he left a note. Listen to this:

_To the people of McCook,_

_I have come to the decision that I am left with no choice but to take my own life. My brother Percival, whom I once loved with all my heart, has left me. He was the first born of my beloved parents, the heir to the Lancaster estate. It was his responsibility. But instead he gave it all up, his duty, his estate, his family, for a simple country wench._

_Due to this selfish act I was forced to do what I had never learned to do. I did my best to fulfill my unwanted duty and to ensure the future of the Lancaster family. But he knew I would never have an heir of my own and by leaving the family, he ended our bloodline and doomed our family. In my desperation I was forced to sell part of our estate and open our cemetery to the public, but even after doing that, ruin and despair followed me._

_I have come to the conclusion that I will be forced to give up the rest of our estate as well. Therefore I have failed my family. Let it be known that my brother Percival is the one to blame for my demise and with my last breath I wish that he will burn in hell for what he did._ ”

For a moment you and Sam just stared at each other. It was now pretty obvious that Aberforth Lancaster had perfect potential to be a vengeful spirit. Still you had to find out how he picked his victims. Was it just randomly everybody who stumbled into his mausoleum? If so, why did people not just avoid it? You handed the books back to the librarian and waited outside for Dean to arrive. After ten minutes, the Impala rolled onto the parking lot and you got in.

“So you found anything about old Aberforth?” Dean asked.

You told him about the suicide and the letter and he just listened carefully until he suddenly nodded.

“Makes sense. I found out that there's exactly one thing that all victims of the last 26 years have in common. They all have younger brothers. And as far as I could see all of them have friends or relatives buried on that very same cemetery. ”

“So what? Aberforth now has a hate against all older siblings and somehow drives them into suicide?”

Your question stayed unanswered for a moment but in the end Sam and Dean just shrugged. Obviously that explanation was good enough for them to at least check out the cemetery. As testing for EMF made no sense you decided to wait until nightfall and go there to see what was going on.

After a good lunch and some free time that you spent in the car – Dean was just relaxing, Sam was reading something and you were playing a game on your cell phone – you finally drove off to the cemetery. There was nothing going on, no weird noises, no ghosts, just some flickering grave lights. You all grabbed a shotgun with salt rounds and you went ahead with Sam to open the mausoleum while Dean got salt and lighter fluid from the trunk of the Impala to burn the bones. For safety reasons the door to the mausoleum had been locked and while Sam was trying to pick the lock you suddenly heard a groan behind you. When you turned around, you saw Dean, standing there rooted to the spot. You had no idea what was going on until you suddenly noticed a strange dim light on both sides of his head. Suddenly you realized that the ghost of Aberforth Lancaster was standing right behind him, his hands on Dean's temples.

“You have failed your brother! You did not take care of him! You let him die! You let your brother go to hell! You chased him away! You abandoned him! You betrayed him!”

The ghost's voice was barely loud enough for you to understand but when you realized what was going on your stomach turned into a tight knot. Dean had a younger brother and he had probably made mistakes enough given what they had been through. So Aberforth had chosen him as his next victim.

“Sam hurry up.”

You saw that Sam was torn between picking the lock and helping his brother, but you gave him a nod, raised your shotgun and hurried down the path towards Dean. From this angle you could not get a clear shot, so you tried to go sideways a little until you had a better view.

“Dean get down!”

But it seemed like Dean could either not hear you or he could not move. Suddenly you heard the squeaking of the mausoleum's door and heard Sam yell that you should hurry. You saw that he drew a salt line and you knew what you had to do. Two seconds later you had finally reached a point where you could at least get a clear enough shot and you raised your shotgun. You aimed, took a deep breath and pulled the trigger. Aberforth disappeared and Dean dropped to his knees.

“Move! Come on!”

You grabbed the salt and the lighter fluid and waited for him to get up. It just took him a second but even that felt too long as you had no idea how quickly the ghost would reappear. You ran over to the mausoleum, shot Aberforth once as he appeared in front of you and rushed across the salt line. Right on the other side, the ghost reappeared and stared at Dean. But none of you paid any attention. The brothers opened the the stone coffin and for the first time you saw an actual dead body getting sprinkled with salt and lighter fluid. You made a step back as Dean took out a matchbook, but suddenly he hesitated and held it out to you.

“You've earned it.”

You took the matchbook and lit it up, taking one last look at Sam and Dean before dropping it into the coffin. Immediately the flames spread over the body and you heard a painful groan behind you. When you turned around you saw the ghost of Aberforth going up in flames with a scream. You watched him disappear and when you turned around you saw Sam look at you with a smile while Dean was grabbing salt, lighter fluid and shotguns. While you all walked back to the Impala, Dean suddenly gave you a soft nudge with his elbow.

“Did a good job there. I'd say when we're back home we have a drink and celebrate your first ghost kill.”

For a second you did not know how to react but the longer you thought about it the more you came to realize what it was that made you feel weirdly tingly. In a way this first successful hunt, the first case you had found and solved, the first body you had salted and burned, had been an important step. In a way it was your hunter's baptism. And somehow you even felt a little proud.


	7. bitter truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You continue learning and training but in the end nothing can replace some real life experience. You realize that your ability, your new knowledge and your training have to be put to the test at some point. But how and where and with what result?

After your first successful ghost hunt, you had gone back to training and studying. But something did not feel right. One evening you were sitting in the library, going through your notes on werewolves vs. skin walkers again when Sam came in.

“Hey, you're still up?”

“Yeah my mind just keeps spinning, so I'm trying to distract myself.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No... yes … maybe.”

He chuckled and sat down opposite you.

“What is it?” he asked with a soft smile.

You sighed and put down your pencil.

“You know, I've been studying and training with you for weeks now. And I like it, don't get me wrong. There's just two things that are bothering me.”

“Okay? What?”

“Well first of all I still don't get why the demons came after my roommate and later after me.”

“That's hard to say. We know that they often just pick people at random. And maybe they just went after you to see what you know or maybe to see if you would lead them to us. It's hard to say. But I'll give it another thought if you think there might be more to it.”

“Thanks.”

“What's the other thing?”

“Well it's about my ability.”

“What about it?”

“It sounds so stupid but... you guys are so damn honest most of the time that I sometimes nearly forget that I have this ability. And I feel like I should try and learn more about it. Learn how to deal with it, how to maybe use it to help you.”

“Okay, so why don't you?”

“Well how? You guys usually don't lie to me. You usually tell me what's going on and Dean prefers to not talk about it. And I don't want to intrude. So I can't just run around touching you all the time to see what you're feeling. And honestly I wouldn't want to. No offense.”

“No, you're right. Dean wouldn't agree anyways I'm afraid.”

“So how can I train my ability without just going in blind when we work a case and see if it maybe helps or not?”

“I'm not sure, but I'll think about it. There sure is a way.”

“Thanks, Sam. I just feel that with all the studying and training this just got a little lost.”

“You're probably right. I'll find something that will help you. But now go to bed. It's nearly midnight.”

You nodded with a smile and stretched. Indeed you noticed that your body was way more tired than you had thought and so you went to bed and fell asleep within minutes.

Two days later you were having breakfast with Sam and Dean – eggs for all of you and bacon for Dean and you – and everybody was checking out newspaper or internet for any possible cases. But nothing seemed to pop up. So after a while Sam broke the silence.

“Hey Y/N, I thought about what you said about training your ability.”

“Okay, any ideas?”

“Actually yeah. It has to be in a safe environment and in a way that you hopefully not intrude into anything too private, right?”

“Makes sense.”

“So I thought we could go and volunteer in a nursing home for a day. There's lots of opportunity for inconspicuous physical contact and it should mostly be harmless.”

You hesitated for a moment. Not because you did not like the idea, but because it seemed actually brilliant. In nursing homes it was perfectly normal to just hold some grandma's hand or help grandpa hold his coffee cup.

“I think that's actually a great idea.”

Dean stood up and cleaned up his plate. “Well you kids have fun.”

While he left the kitchen he turned around and grinned at Sam.

“And make sure the Golden Girls don't get too handsy.”

Sam just sighed and some moments later you left to get ready to leave for some “volunteer work”.

At the nursing home Sam once again used his charm and told the nurses a story about why you two wanted to volunteer that the tingling sensation in your back made you all itchy. But in the end it worked and you were brought to the lounge where a bunch of elderly people were talking, drinking coffee or playing games. You were not sure what to expect, but you knew, that not all of these people were happy. But you had Sam at your side and that made you feel safer. So at first you offered an older men to play checkers with him. He seemed delighted and continued to tell you stories about the good old times when he used to play with his wife. Every now and then you helped him move his stones, as his hands were a bit shaky, or you just put your hand on his. It surprised you how happy he was. Only when he mentioned his wife, there was a feeling of loss and sadness, but it was deep down, quiet and more like a memory. She had probably died a long time ago. When you finished playing he smiled at you and turned to Sam.

“I must say, son, you found yourself a really nice girl. Make sure to keep her, will you?”

Sam and you exchanged surprised looks and while you were rendered speechless, Sam smiled at the old man.

“Thanks, but we're... just friends.”

“Nonsense!”

Neither of you had expected that reaction.

“Are you one of those gay people?”

Sam's jaw dropped and you nearly snorted.

“I … no...”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

You could not hold back any longer but could at least reduce it to a chuckle. When you stood up you gave the old men a careful hug and he once again told you how delightful that little game was.

After that you looked around for other people you might interact with and you saw an older woman who had trouble getting her glasses out of her purse. You came closer and reached out for her purse.

“May I?”

But you had barely touched her hand, when she used her other hand to slap you on your fingers.

“Get your hands off me! All you greedy girls trying to get your hands on my jewelry! Can't even wait until I'm dead! I don't need your help! Shoo! Go away!”

You were utterly perplexed by that reaction but the short moment in which you had touched that woman's hand had shown you no anger, but fear, maybe even paranoia. You pitied the old lady who was obviously so afraid that she would not even let you near her.

The next woman you saw could not move properly and you tried to help her drink, but even though it worked she barely reacted and you could feel nearly no emotion. After a while you came to realize, that the woman was barely there anymore, her whole consciousness already so faint, that she was probably more on the other side of the veil than she was here. It was hard for you to see and feel this, but no matter how hard you tried, there was barely anything left to read.

“Excuse me? Young lady? Yes, you over there.”

You heard the voice and looked around until you saw the probably most vital woman in the lounge waving to you. Sam and you both stood up and joined her at her table.

“You aren't visitors, you are volunteering here, right?”

You both nodded.

“Could you do me a favor? I sprained my wrist when I fell some days ago and I need to redo my nail polish. The nurse already took off the old polish but she constantly tells me she doesn't have time to apply new one. They probably think I'm just an old peacock and don't need nail polish but just because I'm in a home for old folks it doesn't mean I have to let myself go. Now would you be a dear and help me with it?”

You smiled and agreed. In the end it was a good opportunity because to apply nail polish you constantly had to touch her hand. As you had to focus on her nails, you let Sam take over the conversation. It was interesting to listen and to feel her emotional feedback and sometimes you had to be careful not to grin. At one point Sam stood up and got her a fresh coffee and when you felt her reaction you couldn't hold back a laughter that you could thankfully hide in some fake coughing. When you were done with her nails, Sam and you said goodbye and told the nurses that you had to leave again. They thanked you for your help and you left.

“What was so funny back there?”

“What? Oh … nothing.”

“Come on, what was it. Was it something I did?”

“No, well, yes. In a way.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

You grinned.

“Well when you leaned over the table to grab the pot of coffee, the old girl totally checked you out.”

When you saw Sam's face you just let out a heartfelt laughter and you realized that this had been not only an interesting experience but a real pleasure. You drove back to the bunker in silence and when you arrived you thanked Sam and confirmed that it really had helped. Dean of course asked you about your trip and teased Sam by asking if he had found himself a girlfriend. And even though it was really tempting, you decided not to mention that the old men had asked Sam if he was gay. Dean would have had a blast hearing that, but at this point it was more important to you to spare Sam from his brother's comments.

Two days later you entered the kitchen when Dean was just on the phone.

“But why do you think that's one for us? … Alright … Mhmm … All four? … Okay … And where is it? … Yeah sure, we're on it. … Thanks, Jody.”

He turned around and looked at you in surprise.

“Hey, didn't hear you come in.”

“Is this Jody a friend of yours?”

“Yeah, she sometimes calls us if she hears about something that might be a case.”

“So what did she find?”

“Four victims, throats ripped out, blood drained, dumped near a forest.”

“Vampires?”

He just nodded and wanted to go get Sam when Sam already entered the room. He looked at Dean, at you and back at Dean.

“What's going on?”

“Jody found us a case. Vampires by the sound of it. Just 90 minutes from here.”

“Alright, I'll be ready in ten. You can fill me in on the way.”

When they both left the kitchen, you followed them and went to your own room to grab your things. But suddenly Dean looked at you.

“Where do you think you're going?”

“I... I'm coming with you?”

“The hell you are.”

“Dean! Come on, I've trained, I know the lore, I have to get out there at some point, don't I?”

“Y/N” Sam started carefully. “Maybe a vampire hunt is...”

“It's okay” Dean interrupted him.

Sam and you both looked at Dean and for a moment you both were unsure if you had heard that right.

“Well she's right. She's got to get out at some point. We have four victims in 3 weeks which usually means it's a small nest. The nest is probably in a forest, so no other people nearby. We do our research, scout the area, go in by day. She's doing well with her training and we both have her back.”

Sam hesitated and looked at you.

“Are you sure?”

“I am. I can't hide in the bunker forever. And ghosts can also be dangerous and you trusted me with that one, right?”

“Okay, we'll leave in 10 minutes.”

You left and drove mostly in silence, besides one of Dean's classic rock tapes playing. Talking to the police and looking at the case files took you about an hour and soon you knew where you had to look. It was a forest with three different cabins, two of them had recently been rented, the third one was private property. You changed from your suits into proper hunting clothing and parked the car along the road into the forest but still far enough from the cabin to not be noticed. When you got out, your heart started pounding. This was now a hunt and it could get dangerous. You knew about the vampire's strength, their heightened senses, their fangs and claws and their ability to turn humans. So your mind sure was fully prepared, but you were not sure about your body. Dean opened the trunk of the Impala, took out a machete, handed a second one to Sam and held out a third one for you.

“Alright, it's simple: Aim for the neck and swing as hard as you can. Aim carefully and swing hard, got it?”

You nodded and weighed the machete in your hands. It was a weird feeling. And knowing that you might chop somebody's head off with it, felt even weirder. But this was what you had chosen. A moment later you carefully approached the cabin, walking slowly, always keeping an eye on your surroundings. But it stayed quiet. The rustling of leaves and tiny twigs underneath your feet was all you could here. When you reached the cabin, Dean approached one of the windows, carefully peeking inside, raising his hand, showing you three fingers. So there were three vampires in there. The three of you looked at each other and nodded, but when Sam carefully tried to open the door for Dean to quickly get in, you suddenly heard the noise of breaking glass. You were not sure if it was a coincidence or some kind of alarm mechanism they had created, but you all knew that the vampires had to be awake now. Sam and Dean just looked at each other and barged in. Immediately you started hearing fighting noises and even though it was probably just a second, you felt like you stood there rooted to the spot for minutes. There were actual vampires in there, deadly, strong, fast, out to rip your throat out, and you had nothing but an overgrown kitchen knife to defeat them. But suddenly you remembered that at the moment it was not three against three, it was three against two, because you did not do anything. As soon as you had finished that thought, it clicked and you found your courage. You could not let the boys down and stand here doing nothing.

You followed them into the cabin and saw Sam in a fight, Dean on the ground, just kicking one of the vampires off himself while the third came towards him.

“Hey!”

The strength of your own voice surprised you. The female vampire, who was just about to attack Dean, turned around. She was facing you and your heart started pounding when you realized she would attack you any second. You were so focused on her that you did not even notice what happened around you, because the only thing on your mind was to survive and you knew that you had to kill her for that. She was about your size and barely heavier, but she seemed fierce and showed you her deadly fangs. When she came towards you, you heard Dean's voice in your head: _Aim carefully and swing hard, got it?_ So you aimed for the neck and swung your machete. But the vampire obviously noticed your sloppy attempt and made half a step back to dodge the blade. Once it had passed her, she simply knocked that blade out of your hand and gave you a push against your chest that made you crash into the wall behind you. You gasped for air and in a heartbeat she was right in front of you. At this point you did not think anymore. You just saw her fangs coming closer and did everything in your power to keep her away from your throat. She was strong and you felt your adrenaline pumping, your heart pounding, your arms shaking, desperately keeping her at bay. Suddenly you just saw a quick movement and the attack stopped abruptly as you saw the vampire's head fall to the floor. The body collapsed and all that was in front of you was Dean, his breath going fast, his brow still furrowed, quickly scanning you from top to bottom before searching eye contact.

“You okay?”

All you could do was nod.

Just a few moments later you stood outside the cabin waiting for Dean to return with some equipment to hide the bodies while Sam carried the vampires out of the cabin to a little patch of soft grass where they would bury them. Dean returned, looked at you and slowed down.

“You sure you're okay?”

Again you just nodded, but this time he did not accept the answer.

“I know it's tough. Facing a fang for the first time is no joke. And seeing your first kill isn't either.”

“That's not it.”

“Okay so what is it?”

“Dean, I … when she attacked me I had to keep her from biting me. … And I … Dean I felt everything. … The rage, the hunger, the hate, the instinct to kill … and suddenly … suddenly it was just gone.”

You carefully looked up, trying to see if any of this made sense to Dean. He put down the shovels and looked at you.

“So you felt what she felt?”

You nodded and when you remembered how it all just had stopped from one second to the other as if somebody had just switched off a radio, you felt how you slowly started to tear up. Dean just opened his arms.

“Come here.”

At first you hesitated because you did not want to be the weak crying girl but then you realized how much you needed that hug right now. So you made a step towards him, put your hands on his chest and your head on his shoulder, facing away from him, anything to not accidentally touch him and invade his privacy. He wrapped his strong arms around you and as soon as he did that, you could not hold back your tears any longer. You were not sobbing, but silently crying, feeling small and scared and miserable and confused. And knowing that this big experienced hunter stopped what he actually had to do to hold you while you cried just made it worse. You felt completely misplaced and useless. But he still held you, not saying a word, just letting you be.

After a while, when you still hadn't managed to calm down, you felt his hand shift on your back. For a moment you thought he would break the hug because it started to annoy him, but after his hand moved a second time without anything else happening, you suddenly felt his warm fingers in your neck. It was like the warmth was spreading from his fingers over your shoulders, down your back. You knew he would not let you go before you calmed down. You knew he did not mind, he did not see you as a failure, he understood what you went through and he cared and worried. You knew it was okay that you cried. You knew because he had decided to let you feel it. The feeling of being accepted, protected, cared for and understood filled you more and more with every second. And after a while you stopped feeling cold, your tears dried and your heartbeat slowed down. You carefully broke the hug and looked up at Dean.

“Thank you.”

He just smiled.

“You just sit down. We got this okay?”

You nodded and looked for a place to sit down. When Dean walked off you noticed that the shovels were gone. Sam had probably picked them up while Dean was taking care of you. You had not noticed and you did not care, because you were still wrapped in the feelings that Dean had just shared with you and you knew everything was okay. Closing your eyes and breathing the fresh air, you tried to preserve that gift and you kept it with you all the way back to the bunker where you shared a tiny knowing smile with Dean before you all went back to your separate rooms.


End file.
